Homework

"Hi Claude,

I understand about your overwhelm, send the homework when it is ready, there is no need to pay me £15 for marking it.

My advice to you is to FOLLOW WHAT YOUR HEART FEELS, especially if it is asking you to stop doing too much.

See you in August, be kind to yourself.

With love

Rowena"

This is my anatomy tutor talking to me as I sent an email in which I explained I was so stressed out and there was so much happening that I couldn't do my homework.

Her truth touches me.

Follow what my heart tells me?
But my heart tells me I am useless and I am just using pitty on people so they will say "poor me" and let me get away with time. My heart tells me I am a manipulating bitch and I should punish myself straight away for daring to seek pitty.
Well, I am not seeking pitty, I really can't cope with this homework, it makes me panic attacks.

No, it doesn't! You are a bitch! Just get on with your fucking work!!!

How can I live with myself? There is not an ounce of love in me, for me. How can I carry on?