Asphyxie par les mots (suffocation by words)

Words, so I have read, and so I have accepted as I am realising more and more, are energy... Bad words have a lot of energy, harming whoever is saying them and the recipient.
Good words, said with sincerity, bring the same amount of love and peace than the bad words do bring harm, to the recipient and the sender. And it probably affects the Earth and the atmosphere also... And who knows, the whole consciousness of humanity... (but that may be going a bit far)

Now, the speech is energy. Talking consummes a lot of energy. I once read in a book that people who speak too much drain their physical energy, as well as the people who do not speak enough (introverted energy does introverted harm, so it seems)

Being spoken at does require energy.
TO be a recipient of a very verbal human indeed requieres big amounts of energy, I am not sure if the energy is sent to the speaker (theories of the Celestine Prophecies) as they speak, to help them open up and speak their hearts out. But one thing is sure....Having been spoken at all day is as draining as going to church, on a sunday, as a small child and listening to a boring old and scary looking priest gobbling out all his litanies and singing his monotonous not-even-happy chants with the old ladies at the front.
Or say, it is as draining as a bad day at work...Which is possibly more people's experience...

I have never realised more than lately how much I feel drained after having been in the presence of someone who talks a lot.

Now, there are differences.

There are the first kind of people: people who talk a lot and also listen, and who are interested in the listener enough to agree sharing the silence so the listener can also express themselves in words.
These kinds of chatter-boxes are fine; they know how to talk loads about themselves but also know how to make the other person do the same, which leads to a healthy and fun exchange. Or maybe they just talk about each other to each other. Which is as lovely. Or they just discuss in an arguementative way but leaving the space and respect to the other person to always express ...

There are the second kind of people, the one who will ramble on for hours and hours but actually realise and know they DO ramble on.
These may also realise that what they are talking about may not necesserally interest the listener.
But if it doesn't interest the listener, they carry on anyway and somehow don't know how to stop, unless being said so by a self-aware listener who also wants to exchange a view they have and want the speaker to listen.
If the listener is not very self-aware and is very polite and feels a bit intimidated, (like me in most cases) they will not really leave any gap in the conversation for the other to express.

With the third kind of people, the ones who talk-a-lot, it must be some kind of innate (born with) need of making noise, maybe to reassure themselves that they do have the attention or make sure they are alive.
Who knows, it could also be that they feel they aren't allowed to leave an empty and peaceful moment without filling it with continuous verbalism.
Those kind of people do know or they have learned that it is important to make others participate ("talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours" said Dale Carnegie in his "how to win friends" book,or was it some other manipulative sod like that),
As a result of reading those articles these kind of people, not entirely stupid, do ask questions.
But if the other person answers, they will straight away interrupt to take what the other is saying (without listening to the end of the sentence)which has sparked their attention to start on another subject which will last uninterrupted for another good 10 minutes.
They sometimes also ask questions but will not wait for the answers. Instead, they will carry on talking and will give their personal opinions about the question,because they find it interesting. It is a rather blatant way to get to answer yourself what you wanted to be asked... By asking a question and not waiting for the answer, and replying yourself!
Of course, there are the ones in this category who are so intimidating that there is no way someone like me can say anything to add to the conversations.

The 4th kind of people are just 2 legged verbal diarrheas. They will not ask questions. They are only interested in themselves or their world. They will either keep talking all day long about anything...Anything at all to fill the gaps of silence, even if someone else is talking, they will interrupt to get the attention back... Blahblahblahblahblahblahblah.
You may have met some of those on the bus. I don't actually have any friends like this (they have been decluttered if they ever tried getting in there)
(it's not me who declutters friends, it's Karen Kingston in her book "clear your clutter with Feng Shui" where she says that certain friends who pull our energies down or suck it away by negativity or talk too much and drain us, are not really worth keeping in touch with, and not "making an effort towards them by pitty" may actually help them realise what they are doing eventually) (and you deserve better than someone who thinks silence is a gift from God for them to fill continuously)

Of course, categories mingle...

Myself as a listener:
I tend to be an attentive, interested but shy listener; ( I read the Carnegie book when I was a teenager!!! THough it didn't really help me with confidence in expressing anything)

I will get on best with the first kind of people, because they consciously leave me the space to talk and they care about a balanced exchange of ramblings. (sometimes I do feel a bit selfish if they keep asking the questions but I can't think of anything to ask them in return, it does happen)
I always found it very draining to be with any other kinds of talk-a-lot people...
It is very difficult for me to find the courage to say: "Can I say something please?" because I am scared:

1) that they won't listen or cut it up and use what I say to talk about something else,

2) say that I am totally wrong or stupid or my reasonnings are crap and not founded on anything valid, and I am as silly as a child, in which case I will start crying,

3) that they will laugh at me with narrow and nasty looking little eyes . Which will also bring tears to my eyes and cut my capacity to talk entirely That is called power sucking.

Either that or I will withdraw and become extremely quiet...

I also think it is limitely rude not to listen to someone when they are talking to me. If I don't listen, why would I be entitled to talk and deserve their listening?
So I listen very politely, and talk-a-lot people can sense that .
They will in response shower me with their verbalism (good or not; I can be quite happy if they are talking about something very interesting like metaphysics or the history of mankind or their life as an airline pilot)

Myself as a talker: Usually very shy and I will rather sit in a corner and listen and watch or join a group and listen, as I am not comfortable enough to talk.
I must admit something though. With people who are either extremely comfortable to be with (same wave lengh) or who are very good listeners (or people more shy than me).
To my greatest shame, I have caught myself..actually having a proper verbal diarrhea at them!
I must blame it on draining verbal repression which happens when I am with people who talk-an-awful-lot-without-listening .
Not having being able to say a word, my rambles lock themselves inwards and will explode out on anyone who is suitable and who happens, unfortunately for them, to be passing by at the time... And yes, I do end up actually talking too much about myself.
But once the excitement passed, I usually calm down.



TODAY was one of these days when I was with someone I liked-a-lot, but don't know very well.
We went for a very veryyyyyy long walk in the beautiful English countryside, and during that long walk, I hardly had any time to myself to breathe and look and sit quietly and admire and feel and wonder and feel love for the-Earth-the-universe-humanity-and-myself-as-a-soul. Because the person I was with was, even though he is someone very intelligent and notorious, is also someone who talks-a-very-huge-lot .
So off I was, as my mouth became a camembert. And felt way too intimidated to actually say anything.

I was extremely drained... Having given up any confidence to actually say anything during our walk, and having withdrawn rather a lot, I only gave grunts back at the occasional questions he had asked me .
I didn't quite enjoy the day like I could have done. I suppose I could be pushy like some Northeners I know who talk-a-lot and it's a family attribute for them (lucky them) and they will just interrupt at the right exact time to express in a very respectful and respected voice some ramblings they have to say. I do admire people like that. I find them also slightly intimidating as they don't leave keen space for me to say much , expecting me to do as they do and dive into a conversation, which I have never known how to do.

As I arrived home, I felt I needed space. I wasn't upset, but I was very drained and feeling dull and sad. I didn't want to talk to anyone.
Next time, I will close the doors.

PS, I would think some people could accuse my blog of being of the 4th category... Verbal diarrhea of expression...But nobody asked you to actually read it... Your own fault!

PPS: I want to thank the wonderful Mark BLuetones (you will know who you are if you ever stumble across this which I doubt) for having been such a wonderful balanced person of the category 1, and with you, I had the quickest trusting and most comfortable open heart, both sided, conversationships I had ever had till that day, in 2005.

PPPS: And thank you to the ones I have met in recent years (year) too! You just hit the right point :) Thank you so much... It gives me a lot of confidence.