Toilet Portraits: Wipe yourself with your favourites TM ©® etc

The old panoramic, always enjoyed

She was not originally the first to be drawn on the roll, she was added last, but she was added at the front so she has to be there. Welcome to Sillé. Oh she was funny (and grumpy!) that woman, parked badly in the car park near the pharmacy and I tried squeezing in with my car with about 40cm space from both sides to open the doors... She was so grumpy and very told-off looking, never raise a finger to help with how much space I had, other than pointing it at me in a way which said "YOu won't get in there, you better not damage my car otherwise..." You would think people in the countryside are all loving and in touch with nature? Think again! They are as stressed as in London!

THe first drawing that came to my mind was this one. I don't know why, he just wanted to be drawn first. Maybe exorcized. I was going to draw everyone as family members at first, but didnt keep it up.

Mr G, now became a nice mother-aunt. He was giving me accomodation for those short few days. I ended up being the worst guest on earth, particularly on the last day.

THis is me, since I had been Mr G's chauffeur that day and we had had such a good laugh... I love Mr G's drawings, they are fabulous. He influences me a lot.

Mr Neil had to be there, being with him that I first met Gregory, one gloomy and cold winter evening... His favourite monty's near him, for completion. Hasn't he got a very nice lense too? (as well as Terry's new lens)

This was the elegant waitress of this cafe in Villaine's town, she was really smily and lovely; lots of English people having tea near us. I had to speak French to Greg to make it look like we weren't English. Or he wasn't English. I am not English nor French... I am nowhere. I am me.

Monsieur Benoit, boyfriend of Miss Julie Pet Doctor. No comments, other than he didn't want to draw himself ugly, it was very odd. He has a protective energy around him stopping people drawing him in ugly ways. Not that he is ugly in real life. He is allright. No comments please.

My sister...She had to come. She ended up near this dragon freezing her life out of her. But a little diamond on the right is actually helping her, in her aura, and giving her hope to one day be truly herself, the marvel and the white diamond that she deserves to be. She is the scared one, in the picture; the truly bullied one. It wasn't me at all. Well...

Dr Julie Pet, named like that by Mr G as I didn't know what to write for her as I don't know her very well and even though I get on better with her now, I still feel extremely awkward around her and not sure I can be myself truly at all. She is very pretty on this picture. Protected again? SHe was very kind, offered me a marrow to take back to England from her garden but I forgot it and when we visited her again she forgot again (or had decided to make soup for herself with it)

A very funny meal at the Pillier Vert a Sille-le-Guillaume, with our (Greg's Fancy) waitress who was owner before but now has been bought out. SHe is very curious and can't wait to get in his house to check out his boiler (and other things?) but this time she didn't interrogate her. She is much bigger than that in reality, again, she got drawn nicely instead of heartlessly. I had such laughter that evening, particularly when 2 young guys on the Place were doing fighting with crotches and Greg said "Look, cripple fight!" which made me laugh for about half hour.

A disgusting Brocante of which Greg showed me photos of, and the owner whom we met who was going to an appointment and wasn't even going to help us fing a mirror glass for Mr G! He apparently kills rabbits and puts their heads around the other live rabbits that he keeps for food. He was very odd and creepy. He keeps a brocante which looks like the one I drew on the Tantra workshop. dDisgusting and full of pilse of shit covered with dirt and cobwebs brrr..Mr G's ideal place. I was lucky we couldn't go in. I didn't want to go in and see all the horrors

Yes, this could be you. Applicants apply below.The website should really be www.family -portaits.com

The morning after...

If you want to get your own paper portraits, this is the make of paper to buy! ALl worth it! I am not sure about "just one" . It may be just, when you are having a bit of a soft Stools and if you just use one, you will spread it around nicely. Personally, I like to wash my bum after such things. I hate the feeling of dry things hanging on in there, onto hair which may not have been shaved for too long a time. As I have said to other people, "you should use it, then fold it so you don't spread it again and then use another clean side and then a third fold if you have a long bit of paper and wipe again but don't just wipe around it thinking you are being throrough, using the same bit again and again with the turd spread on your beautiful body and spreading it always more, making you a nice smelly bum for the rest of the day when you have to take your trousers down again" How do YOU wipe your bum after you had done stools? (best to be slightly constipated, as there are no leftovers when they come out like goat's pellets)