I’m trying to to find a buyer for my sweet Oregon home in a very soft market.
With the mortgage industry collapse and the dollar falling faster than our president’s approval rating it’s sure to be a tough sell.
I need all the help I can get.
Being an ex-Catholic or a CIR ( Catholic in Recovery) as the case may be, I have an entire astral bureaucracy to come to my aid.
From Saint Aldric the saint principally responsible for the fact that my dog does not have asthma to Saint Zita invoked to find lost keys.
But the fellow I was looking for was Saint Joseph. Patron of carpenters and by association homeowners. He also keeps an eye on laborers and travelers, pregnant women and apparently (according to my sources) for some reason, despite being offered free room at an inn, despises communists.
Saint Joe is the guy that helps you sell your house if you follow a few simple steps.
I figured what the hell, short of sacrificing a sheep in the cul-de-sac, I’m game for anything that might give me an edge or get some long-ago martyred eccentric on my side.
First I acquired a small statue of the Saint.
I was instructed to dig a hole near the FOR SALE sign in front of my house.
Next I was to place Saint Joe in the hole, UPSIDE-DOWN and bury him.
I then recited the following prayer (incantation):
Most Holy St Joseph, I beseech thee to intercede on my behalf to help me find a worthy buyer for my home. Preferably one who will pay full asking price and waive inspection.
Amen
Now it’s only a matter of time.
Next, I’m looking into converting my always-full rain barrel to wine, maybe a nice oaky chardonnay.
Amen indeed;
JG
Oregon
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