PJ Eric & PJ Brianna (don't call them a couple)

took these while hanging out in the lab on sunday night.

this is eric, he's one of my better friends in the program, and Brianna. I was going to go on a mystery road trip with them tomorrow at 6am, but since the shootings at Virgina Tech, both Eric and Brianna along with about 22 other PJs from the program left to go and shoot.

they're much braver than I am.


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tonight we had a candle-light vigil for the victims of the shootings and for everyone on the campus over at V-Tech in general. I would say about 75 to 100 people showed up to sign a banner, light candles, pray and just generally be together to show some sympathy for what happened.

and of course about 15 of the PJs, including myself, who didn't go to V-Tech to shoot went out to this thing.

there's only two things that stand out in my head from what happened tonight.

the first was Jake, another PJ who is either one or two classes above me (i can't remember right now) saying to me and a few of the other newbies as we were walking around at the start of the events,

"Don't shoot anyone's face you can't get a name for. Move deliberately and keep it respectful, this is solemn."

which pretty much sums up how i was feeling tonight. i kind of kept repeating it to myself like a mantra. it's odd.

the second thing that stands out to me is a girl, another PJ who has friends and is in fact dating someone on the campus over in Virginia was very very torn up by the whole thing, and i saw her obviously weeping during it.

so of course, my first instinct is to shoot her. i'd seen other PJs shooting her with long glass (zoom lenses) from about 15 yards, but i don't like to shoot that way. if i was going to shoot her, i was going to do it with a fast, wide lens, within arm's reach.

so i walked over to her towards the end of the events, and she was sitting on the ground with some of her friends, leaning into the shoulder of a male friend crying very very, badly. i had my camera over my shoulder, and cradled in my hand, ready to go.

i sat down, in front of her and next to another friend and for a few moments tried to think of how i was going to ask this obviously very, very upset young woman for her permission to shoot, and i drew blank. i choked and i couldn't do it so i sat for a few more moments, and decided to talk with her to see what her story was and what was going on. remember at this point i didn't know if she'd lost someone or what had happened.

so after talking with her, and seeing how upset she was, iput my camera down and told her flat out,

"Don't worry, i'm not here to shoot. I can't shoot you right now, i wouldn't feel right about it."

that's when she told me she was a PJ and was sick of how the other PJs were treating her, just shooting her without asking and how, "...she's sick of putting on straight faces." for the cameras. furthermore she went on to say how due to how she'd been treated she was going to change her major out of PJ. i told her that i wanted to come over to offer my condolences to her and even went as far as to tear out a couple of pages from my notebook to make a jerry-rigged wax holder so she wouldn't keep burning her hands from the wax dripping down her candle.

so what can we learn from all this?
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now, obviously, her crying and being upset is an AMAZING moment and every fiber in my body told me to shoot it, but when i got over there my morals kicked in and i couldn't.

the photo would've been amazing, i can guarantee it. a photo like that pretty much makes itself, and if i'd have been shooting for a paper it might have been a section front image.

so ask yourself, the photog who reads this, what would you have done? would you have shot it, gotten a pretty much AWESOME photo, and then moved on? or would you have not shot it and offered your condolences to the young woman as i did?

there is no "right" answer, one can only go by one's morals and therein lies the problem. everyone has to decide for themselves.

what i did could be argued either way, and i think i did the right thing by respecting her grief/sadness by not shooting, and i feel strongly enough that i could defend it if i was called upon to.

personally my motto is, "As long as you can sleep at night, then you're okay. but if it's going to bother you then make sure you're doing it for the right reasons."

now, obviously there are a million different situations and each one is completely different. there's pressure from editors, publishers, even yourself to turn out that great image that might just become an icon, but still remember that in the middle of all of that, whenever you pick up your camera, the people you shoot are still just that, people.