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In the darkroom

2008.06.01

Maybe all we are is who we are in one moment in time...

Lately my self has been defined by my inner physical self, which has been unwell for a while now. That imbalance is manifesting in my appearance, with my face getting gaunt, eternal dark circles under my eyes, weight loss and my clothes hanging off ungracefully, and looking paler than I normally do (yes, it is possible :P)

It leads me to think that perhaps we never really change. This experience doesn't define me nor really change me. It will evolve me, give me a different perspective and grow me, but perhaps, really, at the core of it all, I am still who I was before this started...

Inside us all there are some things only we know about ourselves. It's those little things, maybe a dream, a thought, a memory, a trait, that never change.

What never changes in me is the fact that I know, I cannot possibly know everything... that is the single greatest challenge, living in the dark... and it is also the single greatest joy :)
19 Comments
nasser nice portrait like painting!
nasser · 2008-06-06: 06:31
ronin53 :):):)
ronin53 · 2008-06-06: 06:40
Aryan11 lovely lights
Aryan11 · 2008-06-06: 06:53
CJLata I hope you feel better.
CJLata · 2008-06-06: 09:38
etodd80 Very thought provoking and insightful statement. Wishing you the best!
etodd80 · 2008-06-06: 10:03
sunshineand i find arzente's comment very interesting.
i agree in that it is a surrender and in that change is made.
i like the story of his friend and what happened in surrender to the unknown.

in my mind and heart it is surrender to God and in so doing start a change by the Spirit that gives us an idea of what we were ment to be and who we truly are.
but, everyone comes to their own ideas on this.

wonderful post of what is going on with you and your thoughts.

thanks for sharing
sunshineand · 2008-06-06: 11:37
mystic1 Good portrait.............Wish you well :)
mystic1 · 2008-06-06: 13:31
tomie a very beautiful portrait! all in delicatessen...but now i'm shure you're flash is broken! :)
tomie · 2008-06-06: 14:09
aurian *hugs you*

But what would life be if we already knew its answers?
aurian · 2008-06-06: 19:00
mclps Could you imagine life if we knew everything? It would be terrible. Your sentiments ring true all around. There are things that only we know about ourselves, but I am finding there are things about myself that even surprise me! Think positively dear. Visualize yourself feeling and looking better and it will happen. :)
mclps · 2008-06-06: 23:19
vollenda Wonderfully, pensive post. It made me smile in a way because my cousin's daughter, who is graduating from kindergarten, confidently told us that she knew EVERYTHING now so if we wanted to know anything, we could ask her. :) One of those strange mysteries in life that as we grow wise, we learn we know even less!

I hope your health improves soon. I know you must be frustrated. I'll send good thoughts your way.
vollenda · 2008-06-07: 12:49
yamaleekis Precioso y original autoretrato Jessica.
Muy creativo...
Saludos amiga
yamaleekis · 2008-06-07: 21:44
PaperWings You have such a strong mindset...I admire that. :)
PaperWings · 2008-06-07: 21:57
shortyg Little one :) You have to stay strong :) Me sending you lots of energy :) I have lots don't worry :) Love you :)
shortyg · 2008-06-07: 21:58
snappy great words, still thinking of what you want to tell us!
snappy · 2008-06-08: 15:56
mrutherford22 What a powerful post and moving photograph. Wonderful job. I'm thinking of you! (And I still love your pixie hair cut...it's just adorable!)
mrutherford22 · 2008-06-09: 07:19
lexlevans oh i'm so sorry you are not well! but you still have that amazing ability to write profound things! and what a fantastic self-portrait - i agree that it looks almost like a painting. for some reason reminded of MC Escher - http://www.mrlee.com/images/journal64/Escher1.jpg - although when i went to look it up it looks very different. but still thought i'd share. i think it's the expression that is similar or something.

well i'm sending you lots of love and wishes for better health! take care!
lexlevans · 2008-06-09: 14:01
Emma Deep and thoughtful post Jess. I admire your honesty and insight into the core of you. I really like what arzenteart has said...it's kind of along the lines of what I wanted to say.

A moving and pensive post. Your health will improve and get though these dark times. ::positive vibes from me to thee::

On a lighter note, I heart your pouty lips... xoxo
Emma · 2008-06-11: 02:03
Amethyst <3 I've missed you!
Amethyst · 2008-07-18: 02:37
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