celebrations - and inquisitions

I have just been (Sunday) to the 40th wedding anniversary of some old friends of mine. A nice day, a lovely party, some people I have not seen for years, lovely food and wine.

Curious thing these anniversaries, had I stayed married I would not have been that far behind and I guess I would have been in party mood too. But this ended up as a curious experience in a curious weekend.

Friday was a bit of a celebration for me – the new job was celebrated first with breakfast in the Café Rouge in Bow Street, a nice breakfast, soothing and positive. Then later, after some domestics in Angel, with a glass of Rosé (thought champagne a bit over the top!) and some cold asparagus. It’s a lovely little café/bar I go, to but the service is best described as quaint. Indeed it is so quaint that they even say on the menu that ‘casual’ service is provided for tables! Well mine was more casual than normal this time – but I didn’t mind such was my mood.

I spent the rest of the evening at home watching Little Britain – hilarious! and having a glass of Gigondas – bliss!

Saturday brought Oxford by train – terrible journey to Paddington but from there to Oxford was great – tea off the trolley and a fascinating conversation from two seats back. Why do people say intimate things so that the whole carriage can hear I wonder? or talk about people they have met – on this occasion they were talking about someone I do know (not well, but I still felt embarrassed) and about so many things, from gay vicars to ex boy friends making abusive phone calls…..

Its not the subject matter that annoys me, it is the volume at which people speak! Had I wanted to read a book I would have had to move.

Oxford was hot and full of tourists and reminded me of why I don’t like it, all too quickly.

Concert dealt with elsewhere. Good trip back with the German girls in the choir and a gossip then another tedious journey home. Quick shower and out. It is late now, nearly midnight, decided to get a minicab to the party (good weekend for parties!) and was faced with one of those drivers that instils you with confidence from stage one.
“What is your postcode?”
“Why do you want my postcode – I am going to Wood Green”
“What is post code of Wood Green?”
“ Not a clue, could you just drive and I will tell you where to go”

I should mention that to get to Wood Green from where I was is a simple straight line – the problem of course was that he had ‘sat-nav’ the thing that makes lorries get stuck under bridges, old ladies drive into canals and is one of the things about modern living that I hate. Drivers used to take pride in their knowledge, now they take pride in their sat-nav – and the result is that it invariably takes you far longer to get there!

It’s a bit like in Little Britain with the sketch about ‘computer says no’ – you can’t possibly take a short-cut ‘computer says no’.

It was quicker than the bus though!
Nice evening (well night really) unusually good choice of music and some good conversation and more. Not the greatest, but good and well worth going, a party where the single male does not feel out of place. And that is important!

Home at 5am and out again at lunchtime to the Anniversary lunch. Another dreadful journey for the first part. Feeling a bit apprehensive too, what will it be like?

Well, it was nice, great hospitality, and lots of pleasant people. But all couples! How can this happen, according to the statistics there are all these divorces yet all this lot have been together for years and years! And all with big houses, and gardens, and holidays to the Grand Canyon and …..

They were all very nice and it was lovely to see people, but I did feel odd – the single male! Not even the single preditory male! No one worth chasing after! Well, not that I found.

It is odd being single, most people don’t mind and don’t ask, but then there are those that know you well and spend the whole time giving you the third degree. Are you working? Where? Your son is married? Doesn’t he want to get married? Where does he live? Why? Has he got a good job? Does he earn a lot? Why are you living in Hackney? You don’t have a girlfriend (said in a tone that says you must be very odd!)? Don’t you want a relationship? You singing a lot? Where? Every question is fired at you in a way which is both interrogative and intrusive. I assume they are like that with everyone, but it really does get to me!

I think that, for me, this was a hard date to do - I’d been married when I knew most of this lot - and the interrogators knew that - I wished they would leave me alone! I have my life, they way I am now is the result of many things that happened in the past – not now. (And I suppose all this happy couple smugness gets to me too!)

On a personal level it’s difficult to cope with all the ‘haves’ when you have been a ‘have not’ for so long. But what you have to do is live and move on, it is what I have had to do and in many ways I have moved on from some friends too. The couple who’s anniversary it was were very sweet, not at all intrusive and exceptionally kind and I felt quite close to them, even though I had not seen them for years. Yet the inquisitors, who I once was extremely close to, well time to move on! Though I think I am being invited to their son’s wedding in July….. Oh dear, more inquisitions on the way!