I find grief to be a pain in the arse. The first two months after my brother died I was a complete puddle on the floor. Literally, I would suddenly drop to the floor with no warning and just start sobbing two or three times a day. This last month I have been doing much better—smiling again, seeing friends, starting to feel like it’s okay to feel alive even though he is dead.
Today, however, I feel pretty blue again. I think it’s because we are choosing the memorial scholarship recipients for my brother’s graduation ceremony on Friday and it’s bringing up painful memories. I wish I could just feel completely good about his graduation and handing out the scholarships, but there is a part of me that is so sad and angry that he won’t be there in person.
I also realize that life is not often easy or fair, and it’s always wise to make the best of a bad situation. I am hoping that the scholarship recipients that we choose feel pride in their accomplishments. I hope that pride will help carry them into the start of their college careers and a new life, and I hope that they use their potential and strengths to overcome the many obstacles that they are likely to face.
