Dear friends,
I received a phone call from PC's mum on 15 Mar 2008 that PC was admitted to Singapore General Hospital on 14 Mar and it was an emergency admission. I managed to contact J and LK and they helped me to reach P, a counselor from New Creation Church (NCC) to visit her and pray for her on 15 Mar.
She passed a long handwritten message to me when I visited her on 16 Mar. She wants me to post the following message to all her friends and I have just received an email from Meng Che, Peng Che's sister who is now living in US to update
Peng Che's blog on her behalf.
~Recent updates on PC~
Thinking of you, PC...
Everything in its Time
Free
Emmeline
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3:30am, 16 Mar 2008 (Sun)
Now is middle of the night around 3:30am, the second night I stay in hospital. I have been tossing up & down for few hours, tried to get sleep but failed. The nurse here is kind enough to give me some papers as I feel like writing something down.
I have not been updating my blog since the 1st time as I started going through different sessions of chemo again after my major and 3rd surgery done Jan 07. Unfortunately these chemos didn’t help me but aggravate my condition as I was already very weak. I stopped chemos and resorted to Chinese Medicine but it didn’t help much either. I had relapse again and this time round, I am so sick of chemo and surgery, starting to lose weight as appetite reduced and only left about 40kg. I would vomit my food even I ate it.
As I got weaker physically, I fell into depression and I lost faith in God’s healing. I started seeing things negatively and asked God to take me away so I don’t have to suffer any longer. I am grateful that a friend kept on accompanying me to New Creation Church almost every Sunday when my condition was better. I derived some strength and faith every time listening to Pastor’s words. However, I became weak again during weekdays and life seemed meaningless to live on as I might go anytime and I didn’t feel like doing anything. I started saying words like “You don’t know and you can’t understand what I have gone through, it’s really too tough to fight. God, please take me home.” After I was saying these words to few people at different occasions, I thought I was cool to say this as really there’s no one around me in a worse condition than mine.
One day, as I was praying or talking to God again, He struck me with my own words. He said: Stop saying that no one knows what you have gone through. You forget Jesus Christ knows it all as He had suffered all illness and pains for you on the cross. He is not a deity among to save the righteousness, but to save people (sinners) like you and me. He is God, He can enjoy all riches, glory in heaven, why He came humbly to suffer for us. As only through a God suffered before, that’s why He can say He knows all your sufferings and is able to help you through difficulties. I was moved to tears after hearing this. I know He will never give me up nor forsake me.
Though this is the 4th time I hospitalized, condition seems worse than ever before. Like I say, I will never give up myself. I am not strong; my strength is from the above who loves me. I had a surgery done today which a tube and fluid collection bag will attach to my body permanently as my kidney couldn’t pass out the toxics in my body. At first I was thinking not to do this surgery as it might not get any better and I needed to suffer again. Doctor said, if I don’t do anything but leave it, I may only have few months left. After some thoughts, I decided to do it, no matter what the outcome is, so I have no regret.
My dear one, I am thankful to you for all your concern, emotional and financial support throughout this period. I love you all very much and hope to meet up or hang up with you again. I apologize that I might not spend enough time or talk to you as I was taking life for granted and I thought life is still a long way ahead. So work less, share more time with your family and friends, go for holidays or just eat a good meal. Do things you still can do when you are healthy.
Just now a sudden thought came to my mind, I should be thankful to God that I still have a sound mind communicating with you, still have 4 limbs to move around. There is a new challenge tomorrow as doctor will examine the result of my right kidney’s performance. I hope that my left kidney will be spared. I need an urgent request for you, if you could spend few minutes a day praying for me, I would be very grateful as I believe in the power of prayer.
“Oh the God above, I may not be familiar with you. But I ask you to forgive my sins and answer my prayer at this critical period. As you know, your daughter Penny is going through a difficult period at this moment... May your Grace deliver her, may your Love strengthen her, and may your Power heal her. Let her be the light and salt to this world, and give her a chance to talk to me the goodness of you. I sincerely pray in the name of Jesus, Amen!”
Peng Che Ang (Penny)
