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Self Loathing. A morning with me.
2009.07.03
I want my old body back. Hence the 55 is my weight in kg.
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I want my old body back. Hence the 55 is my weight in kg.
1
I just cant stand this body.
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I just cant stand this body.
2
So I'd rather sleep the whole day long and TRY to forget.
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So I'd rather sleep the whole day long and TRY to forget.
3
AND OH HOW I HATE MY ARMS AND MY BACK
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AND OH HOW I HATE MY ARMS AND MY BACK
4
The Hunger
I think I am hungry, but what do I want to eat today, what will fill me up?
I taste the cookies, the cakes, the candy
The chips, the bagels, the fries
The sandwiches and ice cream
Followed by the cereal and chocolate
I think I am still hungry, though no person would be
After all that I have eaten.
What do I want to eat now, what will fill me up
I try the tacos, the chicken, the cheese
The pizza, the bread and butter
The crackers, the noodles, the soup
The cocoa and croissants
And still I am not full,
I eat and eat and eat
But its as if I am a bottomless pit.
Things keep going in yet still I am not full.
I feel sick but I am not yet full
I go to the bathroom, still sick, make myself sick
As the food rushes out the emotions rush in.
I think I am hungry, but know I cannot be
At least not for food
At last I understand
No I am not hungry for food, but I am hungry
Hungry for love and joy and peace
Success, acceptance and comfort
Freedom and escape.
I can eat and eat and eat
But all the food will not fill this hunger that I have.
I must fill my hunger.
