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To Peng Che: Some of my favorite shots for you.

2008.03.27

Dear Peng Che,
I hope that you are feeling better every day. I was very ill about three years ago--I was diagnosed with autoimmune liver disease.

I remember lying in the hospital on my 39th birthday wondering if I was going to make it. I had a very bad liver, a swollen spleen and on top of all of it mononucleosis. I could barely move. This is the first time I have ever gone public with my story--I have only told a few people about it. I keep it close to my heart. But I heard you were ill and I wanted you to know that I understand what you are going through.

I felt small and insignificant. I wondered if my life had purpose. I cried and wondered how my daughter might look on her wedding day--without me. I could barely stand it.

But I had a peace about it too. I knew God would take care of me in my present body or without my present body. Look how small these flowers are--smaller than a penny--yet they nurture and survive and give birth to new flowers. Our lives are very fragile but we hardly recognize it day to day.

They botched my biopsy of my liver to see how bad it was. The orders unfortunately did not call for a sedative. They took me in and poked me with needles in the stomach and still after 45 minutes could not get a good sample. It was the lowest point to that time and was hysterical when they wheeled me out of the room. I was soooo sick of needles. I had struggled with the disease for eight years prior.

I was sent home very ill. My darling mother came and took care of me. I worked hard to stay positive and only watch funny tv. No violence, no hard rock music--only positive, hysterically funny input. My recommendations are a healthy dose of "Friends", "I Love Lucy" and "Everybody Loves Raymond"!

I realized that while feeding my funny bone that I had to feed my body. I went on a vegetarian diet and discovered 'living food'--but although that was important I am convinced that it was a small part of the next amazing adventure...

I wasn't praying to get well. Everyone else was though. I felt better about asking God what it is He wanted to show me. I had gone through a long period of disbelief and dryness before I went into the hospital. I was very bitter at how my life had turned out and blamed Him for everything. And it was amazing, really. My mode was to blame Him for everything under the sun and here I was at peace with a worn out body (I might add a worn out body that was a direct result of my own inability to deal with stress and horrendous eating habits).

So from April to September I waited. And I got stronger...I could make it from my front door to the mailbox...and back.

I returned to work, could shower without a seat and do my hair standing up. If you know anything about liver disease, its a constant state of being poisoned. You are EXHAUSTED to your very bones.

I felt pretty normal by September which was highly unusual. I went to the doctor and got a report that said I had made an amazing recovery.

My liver disease was gone. My spleen normal. And the small vein stroke in my spleen was no longer evident. Pen Cheng, I can't explain it. It defies description. I hesitate to share it because when your ill and you find out that someone else was miraculously healed it sometimes can hurt. You think that God might 'love' that person more because He healed them. I use to cry and say, "Why not me?" those eight long years that I battled with my disease.

But I can say that whether God had purposed for me to be healed or not healed--liver disease was a gift. Because I realized His love for me had nothing to do whatsover with my temporary body living here or living somewhere else.

I hope my words give you some comfort. I have many lessons to learn and still make mistakes. I still blame Him for things. I am learning to get over myself.

So I hope you find happiness and joy in the small moments. Remember to laugh a lot and eat your vegies! And just stay open to the journey.
Sincerely,
Kim

34 Comments

That is so nice and a very nice post it is.

joycephotography · 2008-03-27: 20:47

very beautiful Kim, welcome back. how was Bradford?

CJLata · 2008-03-27: 20:49

Nice macros!

caroq · 2008-03-27: 22:04

Superb set!

kopaczandras · 2008-03-27: 23:51

Very nice post very uplifting

mystic1 · 2008-03-28: 01:32

sooo colourful post...
you give new breathe to everybody...
lovely red, yellow, blue.......
fantsatic!!!
:)

GoInMe · 2008-03-28: 03:47

nice colors!!!

luucha · 2008-03-28: 05:04

Very nice post! I love macros!

LeleneCherie · 2008-03-28: 06:11

What a very beautiful and moving post.

ncshutterbug · 2008-03-28: 06:17

A beautiful set.

Emma · 2008-03-28: 06:46

beautiful set and beautiful sentiment

camilleauteuil · 2008-03-28: 06:49

beautiful set

giodinu · 2008-03-28: 07:34

wonderful. really good. everything is perfect, photos and words. thanks

storytaylor · 2008-03-28: 07:39

great :-)

ronin53 · 2008-03-28: 08:33

Wow!!

amiyamaiti · 2008-03-28: 10:12

just gorgeous and thoughtful !!!

Lindyart · 2008-03-28: 11:30

beautiful shots!!

easylife · 2008-03-28: 13:00

Great!!!

Gwadannie · 2008-03-28: 13:33

thank you Kim! great!

tomie · 2008-03-28: 13:54

Great post!!! Fantastic colours

peregol · 2008-03-28: 14:42

Fantastic shots! (Peel, always peel.) :-)

wfrnk · 2008-03-28: 16:08

I know it was difficult for you to share your story, but just know that it is truly inspirational. Sounds like you're living "The Secret." You created a beautiful post. :)

mclps · 2008-03-28: 22:23