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My poor heart

2011.10.03
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It's not like it's the first time that i'm going to post something about my day to day struggles but really this time it just hurts like hell like literally just thinking about what i have done... it kinda feels like i just experienced a break-up BUT nope, not yet, maybe that would be my topic next year that i'm going to blog.

GEEEZ. how can i be so selfish of all times?? i can't help but to compare myself to the victims of typhoon they seemed so broken yet not broken in a way that i am... i mean, after the water subsides, and everything goes back to normal.. there is an assurance that they can pull it through, in my case, i think i'm going to drown with the emotions, this is not normal.. this is so overwhelming for me like blow after blow.i haven't regained my strength for all the disappointing moments of my life and here iam again.. facing it. I guess i'll never learn the easy way always the hard way..always stupid in making decisions and now i'm paying again the consequences of my actions. *sobs* You know what, I'm strong.. i can take this struggles but what i cant take is that people around me has to suffer with me... has to go down the drain with me.. i mean if i am really a train wrecked then i dont want anybody else to be around me..it's not fair for them, it's not fair for all of them. Why is it when you've finally found what you're looking for shit happens and then you doubt. been fighting for it for the longest time and now i'm cracking up... seriously. thought about cutting myself but i think it's not necessary cos' i'm still sane. prickin' pressure test. ruins my whole day.
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Category: emotions
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