freyasmar's PhotoBlog

What if I am a Mermaid?

2009-07-03T18:13:18Z

Silent all these Years - Tori Amos Excuse me but can I be you for a while My dog won't bite if you sit real still I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again Yeah I can hear that Been saved again by the garbage truck I got something to say you know But nothing comes Yes I know what you think of me You never shut-up Yeah I can hear that But what if I'm a mermaid In these jeans of his With her name still on it Hey but I don't care Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice And it's been here Silent All These Years So you found a girl Who thinks really deep thougts What's so amazing about really deep thoughts? Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon How's that thought for you My scream got lost in a paper cup You think there's a heaven Where some screams have gone I got 25 bucks and a cracker Do you think it's enough? To get us there Cause what if I'm a mermaid In these jeans of his With her name still on it Hey but I don't care Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice And it's been here Silent All These... Years go by Will I still be waiting For somebody else to understand? Years go by If I'm stripped of my beauty And the orange clouds Raining in head Years go by Will I choke on my tears Till finally there is nothing left? One more casualty You know we're too easy Easy Easy Well I love the way we communicate Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape Let's hear what you think of me now But baby don't look up The sky is falling Your mother shows up in a nasty dress It's your turn now to stand where I stand Everybody lookin' at you here Take hold of my hand Yeah I can hear them But what if I'm a mermaid In these jeans of his With her name still on it Hey but I don't care Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice And it's been here Silent All These Years I've been here Silent All These Years

Self Loathing. A morning with me.

2009-07-03T11:33:30Z

The Hunger I think I am hungry, but what do I want to eat today, what will fill me up? I taste the cookies, the cakes, the candy The chips, the bagels, the fries The sandwiches and ice cream Followed by the cereal and chocolate I think I am still hungry, though no person would be After all that I have eaten. What do I want to eat now, what will fill me up I try the tacos, the chicken, the cheese The pizza, the bread and butter The crackers, the noodles, the soup The cocoa and croissants And still I am not full, I eat and eat and eat But its as if I am a bottomless pit. Things keep going in yet still I am not full. I feel sick but I am not yet full I go to the bathroom, still sick, make myself sick As the food rushes out the emotions rush in. I think I am hungry, but know I cannot be At least not for food At last I understand No I am not hungry for food, but I am hungry Hungry for love and joy and peace Success, acceptance and comfort Freedom and escape. I can eat and eat and eat But all the food will not fill this hunger that I have. I must fill my hunger. Source: http://fishyvb.something-fishy.org/showthread.php?p=1559198#post1559198

ER: Recovery from Eating Disorders is a LONG journey.

2009-07-03T00:09:51Z

I spent the whole night last night at the ER. The reason is simple, yet the embarassment is unbearable. I started my journey towards recovery in december last year. I wasnt emaciated, but I had already dealt serious damage to my body. I was Anorexic, purgative Type. AND DID I PURGE. Toughts never stop poping up in my head. Toughts about emaciation, toughts about starving, toughts about perfection, toughts about unflexibility.... Yet I've never felt this close to relapse. I feel utterly unbeautiful and unloved and undesired. I feel lonely as hell and stupid as an empty cocoon. Reason to spend a night at the ER: Low electrolytes. Can you guess what I did?

Hay restos de mi figura y ladra un perro.

2009-07-03T01:16:43Z

Me estremece el espejo: la persona, la máscara es ya máscara de nada. Como un yelmo en la noche antigua una armadura sin nadie así esmi yo un andrajo al que viste un hombre. Dime ahora, payo al que llaman España si ha valido la pena destruirme bañando con tu inmundo esperma mi figura. Tus ángeles orinan sobre mí. San Pedro y San Rafael en una esquina comentan mientras avanzo borracho sobre esa piedra, payo, que llaman España. -Leopoldo María Panero

The Past you cant Grasp

2009-07-03T06:40:08Z

So here I am. Yet another Blog (this time a Photoblog). Yet another vicious way of running from the everlasting painful memories that are too blurry to grasp and put together. The scars - and this is OH so cliché - that never heal. The love you let go of. The good memories that you want to enfold yourself with. ... Yes. I am running away from all these memories just to create some more, and somehow internet seems to be the proper place, since there are some many places where I can simply upload the pieces of my soul without any proper order or ideal. Just the plain void of my existence shared with you. Plain Void.

Yearbook

2009-07-03T01:26:09Z

Gossip Morning

2009-07-03T18:26:21Z

You gotta love my best friend and out Gossip Mornings/Afternoons/Nights =)