leslierean's PhotoBlog

Sleepbot, you are...

2009-12-18T19:13:11Z

quiet, cold nights in Atlanta, tucked inside a warm apartment, brand new and never-been-lived-in. You are nights I worked out. You are the theme in my room of trips across the country. You are the rain outside and the cool breeze that spreads cigarette smoke across a world that isn't mine as I observe with a numbing mind. You are neighbors I'll never meet. You are stolen internet and Elizabeth studying. You are old furniture, made brand new. You are long baths and long conversations. You are my financial crisis and my company. You are that smell that doesn't compare to anything else, and the long rides to an old campus and an old library. You were before friends. You were Mexican food and pirated movies. You are Once and my big closet, that was a treasure cave. You are dreams in sleepless nights. You are what wakes me and what sedates me. Sleepbot, you're freaking addicting, man. It's rare I write in this way. You know, the cliche "coffee shop" poetry reader, where everyone snaps at the end... I feel like a few snaps would be appropriate but I just really wanted to pinpoint the things I was reminded of while listening to sleepbot. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you look it up and spend one night with it. In my experience - and this may not be accurate for I've never taken hallucinogens but - you will fall in and out of sleep, while feeling like you're on the strangest mental trip ever. This audio feed will create images you've never thought of and my friends, that makes for one helluva night. Plus, it's relaxing and calming. Except for the cat lapping milk - that one gets annoying. I hope you noticed the graphic I decided to post in my blog today. It's from Mike Murphy Kia, a dealership with whom I had a TERRIBLE experience when I was interested in purchasing a new vehicle. They have billboards and ads in papers/magazines and you used to be able to find it on their website. (The second image is on their current site. The tall, unhappy man in the back is the one I dealt with and I've never met more of an animal-like salesperson in my life.) When I saw it, I thought it was a joke at first. This has GOT to be the worst photoshop work I've ever seen in my 23 years of existence. That's Mikey you're looking at. But not his body. I'm pretty sure that's his son's body but I can't be too sure. Anyway, I just wanted to share with you all the unfortunate business of marketing in some areas. This is what happens when you let somebody who doesn't KNOW what they're doing market your business...

Pretty...crazy!

2009-12-09T15:12:28Z

My boyfriend is absolutely right; I spend most of my time making lists about making lists about doing things. I feel like I have SO much to do! This entire year has been non-stop for me and it hasn't even begun to slow down. I thought come January, things would start making sense for me, for sure but... hold on! There's still time to create mayhem in my life! And by golly, mayhem it'll be. So much happens at once for me. I usually don't have a hump in the road for just one relationship, it usually happens to all of them at once! Humps in the road are a good thing and can result in healthier relationships, you just have to know how to work through them. I believe every relationship can work, you just have to be willing to follow through. And sometimes, you're just not willing. That's where relationships end. I keep mentioning all of the things I've learned this past year but I keep learning all new things... Sometimes I feel like I have to make a list just so I won't forget to apply everything! That's the most important thing, is applying the things you've learned so you don't keep making the same mistake. But that's the hard part because we oftentimes fall back on things we've done before just because we're comfortable with the motions. One of the things I've had to battle through is taking responsibility for things I've had no control over. In the end, I won't do it. I could look back on this entire past year and think of everything that's happened, one thing after the other, and blame myself, but I truly believe that sometimes in our lives things work that way. By all means, I don't have a manual explaining life to me so perhaps I've made poor choices. But with each choice I've made, it just so happens bad things have turned up. For instance, it was by choice and freewill I continued to stay friends with certain people, does that mean I should take responsibility for the negative outcome just because nothing good came from it? No. I had no idea... They might not have had a clue either but in the end, it was my choice to decide nothing good will ever come from it so I ended it. But still, it's not my place to feel guilty for that. Sure it sucks but I'll get over it, you know? Things happen but they either work out or they don't. After that, it's up to us to move on from them. I also won't feel guilty for my beliefs. When you start sacrificing your beliefs for somebody else, end it. Seriously. If you have a gut feeling, go with it and don't let some insensitive somebody tell you you're reading too far in to it because you'll usually find out you were right in the first place, even if it takes years for the truth to come out. Only you can know what's right and healthy for you and who are others to tell you you're wrong about that? If you're surrounded by people who just can't - for the life of them - understand how you feel and are not, under any circumstances, willing to compromise for you, walk away. You don't owe anybody an explanation about how you feel and if you can't find people to love and appreciate you like you are, without you having to justify your every thought they're no good for you. Wise up. Don't be scared to grow up and stop making bad choices because you think you're age justifies it. That's all on that point. Many relationships are based around money and that's quite unfortunate. Maybe you have a friend or a significant other who you pay for all the time and it puts a strain on things. Or you two just don't see eye-to-eye on finances; one person thinks they're doing it all, the other person doesn't agree or you've made a financial agreement and you can't stick to it because one or both parties have a different idea of what that agreement means exactly. In these hard times, many people have had to fend for themselves - everyone is looking for an easy way out. But we have forgotten where stability comes from and it sure as hell isn't from money. People can tell you until they're blue in the face that they'll support you and be there for you but you'll always be disappointed. It's incredibly hard to find people in this world who you can trust. And on the other hand, you'll continue to let others down for the rest of your life. There is no way around it. Trying to play peace-maker is a waste of time. Sometimes, no matter what you do, nothing will work and like I mentioned earlier, that's something we can't take responsibility for; feeling guilty over other peoples' choices is bogus and ridiculous. Everything happens for a reason. On good days life makes sense simply because you don't need any explanation for why things are good. You don't want to know; all you care about it keeping that warm, fuzzy feeling as long as possible. But when it goes away and you're having a bad day, the only thing you can ask is "why?" At those times, life just makes no sense. You can sit and think for hours about why and how things happened and why and how things got to where they are... what is life really about?... perhaps you question priorities within yourself and others... you question other peoples' motives and honesty and sometimes you even question whether or not you're the crazy one and everyone else was right all along. I spend a lot of time trying to see the other person's side of things. I used to not care but I've realized that I'm not always in the right. I mean, I'd like to think I am but that's not realistic. I wonder what they think about a certain situation that pertains to me and why in the hell we just can't agree or talk it out. And why in the HELL people are so close-minded and shut off from the idea of acting civilized around each other. Okay, and I'm about to get passionate about this one but especially WHY IN THE HELL people are so opposed to getting to know you. I mean, have you ever caught yourself trying so incredibly hard to prove yourself to somebody you don't know, nor do they care to know you? All you keep hearing is how they're passing judgment on you and they don't know the first thing about you? Just because you're the ex girlfriend, or the NEW girlfriend. Or the in law or an acquaintance of somebody who used to date your ex... GOOD LORD people, open your minds up a little bit! Like I said earlier, you don't owe ANYBODY an explanation, nor is it your job to prove yourself. You shouldn't have to! Listen, it's unrealistic to think we're all going to be friends. So just go ahead and get that straight. So why do we feel like we have to appear a certain way, when we shouldn't even CARE? Don't be rude about it, just don't lose sleep over it. Make sense? (You can obviously see the things I've worked through the most this past year!) On THAT note, I got a new apartment in the historic side of town. I'm moving in this evening and the time can't fly by fast enough! It's one of four apartments in a house built in the late 1800s. My apartment is upstairs and has a living room, bedroom, HUGE bathroom and a kitchen/dining room. There is no dishwasher - a plus - nor did I see a washing machine or dryer (which is annoying because I'm so particular about my clothes) but there are windows throughout and a huge pantry. We're not talking modern, people. We're talking OLD and quaint. A window in the living room leads to the roof of the house, which is all mine. I could sit out on the roof all night if I so desire. And I have a staircase in the back of the house all to myself. I don't have a lot of money right now but I am signing a year's lease but hope to stay much longer than that. I get butterflies just thinking of plants, and painting and having old furniture I can paint and make my own... All of this will take time but that's what it takes to build a home. I can see myself there, even when I get married. (When kids come, that's a different story though. Good thing I'm nowhere close!) I've always had a simplistic nature; something old I can just make my own - something that already has a past, but I can just build on to... I simply can't wait!

Football

2009-11-30T19:06:24Z

I'm always cold. Even more so than I used to be and it's highly annoying. It's not even that cold outside but my phalanges might fall off. -Was going to share more but there are so many interruptions so I'll leave you with the thought of my phalanges falling off.

Just an excuse

2009-11-20T19:04:10Z

These are not the greatest photos - just an excuse to post something. The one of Charly, my bunny rabbit is an old one, taken a few months ago when he was just a small babyboy and the second one of Michael was take with my cell phone camera this morning. He looks like such a big boy in that swing but he is still a wee baby to me. He is getting to the point where he is not only trying to point and verbally identify objects, he is trying to verbally express his emotions and the way he feels, i.e. his disappointment in me for taking him away from the swing. It's okay though. While I'm eager for him to start talking, I know it will come soon enough and then I may just wish for the days where he was just making strange noises. Boy oh boy have I had a hard time lately. All in a matter of a week I lost my wallet, my camera of 3.5 years decided to stop working and my car has finally failed me and it's time for a new one. Problem with that is that it's so close to the holidays (that means car dealerships will be closed) so either I'll be pushing it to buy one within a matter of days or I'll have to bum rides for an entire week or until I'm able to purchase a new one. And then, of course, there is the financing side of it, proof of income, people willing to work with you, credit histories, the economy and interest rates, new car registration, insurance, HIGHER insurance rates... blah blah blah... Just a huge mess. But it's one day at a time and I'm going out of town this weekend. Nick and I are going to an FSU game in Tallahassee. We went to Atlanta last weekend but we didn't get much done. It was supposed to be a busy time of planning and getting things together but nothing came of it except a wonderful dinner with my father and a free meal at the nasty Flying Biscuit. Also, I got some tattoos touched up and a new pair of sunglasses. That's all though. This weekend should be stress-free. I'm going out of town, which will enable me to not only physically but emotionally remove myself from everything that's going on in my life right now. When I get back, things will be so busy and will fly by but that's okay because like I said... I'm taking everything one day at a time. And the holidays for me? Will be nothing more than a bunch of dog-sitting and trying to get my next year planned - bills especially. Bills have always been my number one burden but if I can just maintain the upper-hand over my debt, I'll be golden. I really meant for this blog to be more poetic than just a bunch of random statements. But it really didn't turn out that way. Just an observation...

One day...

2009-11-13T23:58:33Z

One day this little boy is going to trade is puppy dog harness for a backpack and some hiking boots. He is adventurous and quite daring. Though he's not mine, I love him like he is. I get to watch him explore and process things I pass by every day without a care. He is still in the stage where he uses his pointer finger and thumb to grab everything and it's so adorable. Today it's like he saw a palm leaf for the first time and was so intrigued by it. Whenever I watch him I can't help but just smile. This little boy is a big part of me these days and I can't wait to see what's next; he learns something new everyday!

Much More... But Not Than Ever

2009-10-19T17:57:00Z

I recently picked my camera back up. And I'm glad.

Before but they're the after

2009-10-19T20:05:25Z

...uploaded on the 19th

In Flight

2009-10-05T13:55:26Z

-Haven't posted in a while. This is an older one, a few weeks old. Nick is going out of town this weekend, the first time in a couple of months. It will be different and kind of lonely but hopefully the time will fly by and I can fill my weekend with productive, fun activity. Ciao

Self Portraiture

2009-09-25T13:50:22Z

a true confession

In a world, that is not my own

2009-09-23T18:36:47Z

I think of times that used to be and think of times that will come. Agh... to be stuck in the middle - the present of this limbo state I'm in.