Silence....Of summets

by Alexandra Pechabaden September. 19, 2017 702 views

Silence again

It screams inside
It shouts
It hurts, to care

Silence, all you get back
Silence stiffles the night
Empathy, within
or else, dustbins

Of withdrawn anxieties
Full of tar from the feelings
of fears
Of that Silence
that she stops caring
That he disappears
O fears of deafness from this nulled space
Where nothing happens
Where nothing is
Except my insecurity

Forever alone
Forever , Silence
Forever, why won't she reply
Forever tamed the silence

Tatooed onto my arm
the burning stove
remembering that moment
where the longing, anxious,
was left unseen
unheard, or heard and disowned

Why such trembling...
Why this feeling "they" never
Care, not really
when they oooo Do

Insecure like the child left alone waiting
For her parent to come back
Late late they were,
They will leave her there
Forever, without care
She, Not understanding the space,
Lost in that place,
Space that leads to fears
Hostile courtyard, hostile , unsafe
School door locked like the prison door shut behind
Opened that, another prison
in Space
Where wish was to be cared for
Not forgotten again
Yet it keeps happening
The last one always
They don't care
I am scared
Fear this church, fear that constricted space, that forbidden field, that graveyard,
That unknown prairie
across the road
Where ghosts abond
Tie prisoners back in the woods
and kill them slowly
Silence, silence, oh why
Do you last, so long

Don't, don't leave me alone
I am too young
In the dark
Unable to look out, look after myself
Frozen to the bone
By those recurring desperate feelings
And... when you (finally) arrived
Never you said you cared.

I was in your way, I gave you more work
You did your best
That was your best

But the scars
of being abandonned
This feeling, uncared for,
and again
No neighbour ever wondered
about shelter
It is nothing to some
Nothing to others
it felt like
I knew ... Familyless
and grew it
Without living it.

O Orphans.

One day, you will make
Your own family
Of friends.
Do, for it will heal your pastpresent

"Ungrateful, ungratefulswine
Guilt, feel Guilt about that Self
We loved you, you are a shit
Look at you now
Gone forever
Gone seeking your sorrow elsewhere
Tant mieux
We Don't miss you"
Says the mind, says the fears
Says the child
who thinks she knows
all their thoughts
however wrong she is
However she stirs
all that comes out
Is that fear.

Silence... Silence

Do you come from then

Needing reassurance

Yet running away when it was given

At a same level as she gives




He will own you

He will trap you

Make you into his slave, it's all written, look

"But.. I am doing the same?"

Maybe they feared being abandoned too, forgotten

Uncared for

And they wanted...


That they were loved...

Nothing more.

Look after that "head"...

"Grateful, about your life..."

Fears, anxiety are all you have

"Forget about me...Throw the stones to the wholes
Is that what gives you the right
To throw the stone to me
Throw it to yourself
Judge not
Judge not Who You fall
Standing straight on my feet
I care not about you
Enjoy your life
but balance
of me

Enter...the ship if you want
Leave the woman and child alone
with your perversion
It will never know will never know no
I will never know Will know never
Matter not
F off now
matter not
F off now

It was an interlude.

Needing to excuse myself.


There are only unreasonable behaviours
Behhaviours are not the person

Look behind...the mask, the mould... This life.

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Alexandra Pechabaden 2 years, 5 months ago

Helps it to express.... Does. 

It feels the space, with ...that someone cares. That someone who took the time, to write this, for me.

2 years, 5 months ago Edited