l miss her, it is like a part of me is gone.
Why feel sad? Friends have not died, and even if they had, they are still around in the ALL so "I" see them again. Life is just a game, that souls put together so to experience life in various forms, but for what, evolving?
It felt like the souls that governs each of us don't care about the current persona we "are", they use it then throw it away in death; the persona can never truly connect with the soul hence why it feels lost in life! Of course it should feel lost, because it is lost, it is just there for experience. Does it mean that hurt doesn't matter? That love doesn't matter? I am not so sure any more. "I" hope it matters.
What it could be is that once the soul has created (or chosen) the persona, that persona, as a "file", will carry on existing forever, but just as an image, a glimpse, like an entry through another universe, which then is closed forever in "death", yet always "alive" in that glimpse of light.
Hence "l" should be able to connect again with that image to relive it and perhaps, if "I" found the strength necessary(or worked hard to get the strength necessary), "l" could improve that life to what "l" wanted it to be. Maybe "l", the soul, cared about having wasted the potential of that persona and, in boredom, chooses to play it again, like we play a board game again, and tries different outcomes every time to see how they feel? Or is it something else?
"She" always felt she had been alive in this life already, several and too many times.., As a 6 or 7 year old girl, on a decimating hot summer morning, climbing up that stiff hill on her bicycle... She was not managing, the bike was too heavy, she felt too weak, so she was pushing it; she was so tired, discouraged, so out of despair she started crying, thinking she was so far away from home and she wouldn't make it there; instead, she would end up dying here in the hill somewhere and nobody would find her.
In that moment, which was engraved in her memory forever, she had that really strong conviction or idea, that she had already lived this life ( as C. P.) many times, that she had had enough of it already and all the suffering it endured, the suffering that had come already and the suffering that was going to come.
Did that mean that she did REALLY have control over what would happen in this very moment (and in her life generally) , because the ego-consciousness (or is it the soul?) wanted to experience different things???
Does that mean we can truly change our lives? Because we are meant to? Or else we will come back again, because we didn't put enough effort in and failed again? Or, is it something else?
Is it why each of us feels really really special? Because we ARE, yet we are nothing more than a glimpse of light, a "photo" hanging into space, forever?
We are special yet we need to know we are nothing, if a photo in space is all that we are, and it is lonely there, there is no one to admire us, there. Except other photos looking at themselves through others.
It could be that our human Life is just like a computer file from a broken tower that had been thrown away, insecurely, in the tip. A passer-by takes the old tower home, breaks into it, find that file, and starts playing with it.
it could be that "other beings" manage to break into the soul's array of personas, chooses one randomly (it had to be yours) , and takes control of the persona of that very person; it plays with that persona, physical body and life, again, to experience itself as it is not evolved enough to be a soul. The Soul is the only one allowed to experience Life within personas and their human body.
So, that Alien being that plays with your mind, is why sometimes you feel like an alien, that you don't belong, that you shouldn't be here; because you ARE an alien at that time, which should NOT be there in this persona! So, fuck off! Let the Soul regain control of this persona and Life, so the Soul, fragile and vulnerable yet very loving, can once again get control of the ego-mind, and lives some peaceful moments; till another "alien" being dives into that persona (as the soul is fragile, open and vulnerable, it just lets them in) and that alien takes control of that life again, plays with it and hurts it and makes it self-loathing and unhappy(or whatever challenge the persona is facing).
The ego-mind cannot do anything about that sudden change of ownership (our thoughts own us, that's why I call it ownership).
The ego just watches in disarray, just like like the soul does...
The ego and the soul, together, yet separately, pray for each other to become stronger so to manage to connect with each other again (because being an alien really feels like shit, as you know).
When we feel unhappy, the feeble contact we have with the soul has broken for a while, till we feel happy again.
It could be the "alien" that creates disease, because it can't understand the feeling of "feeling good" because he is not as evolved as the gentle soul, so he has to experience unhappiness to start realising how bad it feels, but as he has never felt anything else, he cannot realise so he keeps making it happen.
When the soul links in properly again, the disease and the unhappiness goes, because the alien is kicked out of that life. Recurring ups and downs could be because another alien wakes up that file again, and another, again.
They are all fragments of all different dimensions, parallele universes of that same persona, being lived as the ego-mind, the computer, as a load of pictures that make a video up. Memories.
But then, why death?
In this story, death is a gentle accord between the soul and the ego, an agreement that they both want either to rest in space, or in the case of the Soul, experience another life, in other personas.
This is similar to what was written above; in fact we (as personas) can only evolve if an alien breaks into us, because maybe the soul, once this life has been lived, will naturally put that life to rest and not bother with it again to try that other one we spoke about...It will only be conscious of that life, at some point in space, when another greedy alien breaks in and forces the soul to wake-up and re-connect with this persona and life again to try to take control of its cells ! Because the Soul is like a body, penetrated by a virus-alien.