I'm bisexual. Yep. I'm also blunt, but that's not a sexuality or something you can identify as when someone asks for your gender or anything like that so its irrelevant for now. But before you ask any questions that I can answer right now, I will answer them right now: (skip over this of you know the meaning of the word panromantic, you are probably good then... lol hello fellow oddling)
- I have always been bisexual. #BornThisWay
- I did not become bisexual... it was no miraculous occurrence where the Lord showed up at my house and was like "CONGRATS! YOU ARE NOW A SINNER THAT IS NOT ACCEPTED BY THE CHURCH UNLESS YOU CHOOSE A LIFE OF CHASTITY LIKE PRIESTS, BUT LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A PRIEST, BUT LIKE YOU JUST CAN'T UNDERTAKE IN ANY SEXUAL ACTIONS WITH WOMEN SINCE YOU ARE A WOMAN, AND YOU WILL BE ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD! BYE NOW!" (or should I say "bi now" BHAHSHHA I crack myself up.)
- You might know, I do have a boyfriend... no this does not mean I do or am looking for a girlfriend also... that is NOT what bisexuality is... that is just plain cheating on your S.O. So whoever told you that bisexual people have or can have a boyfriend and a girlfriend is just a horny cheater that isn't picky when it comes to fucking people.
- If I was single, yes, I would be open to dating women and men... but not being committed to two single people, in this case being a woman and a man, without them knowing about the other human... THAT IS CHEATING...???
Okay so now that we have all of those bases covered, lets chat.
Figuring it out
So, I was about like, hmm, yeah probably 11, it's like 2:34 a.m. and I am watching coming out videos on YouTube. I tap on to the next one, my ancient iPod touch in hand (the very first model), and it gets me thinking. Why do I love watching these videos so much? I freak myself out so then I go and look at Instagram, the days when Instagram was still blue, white, and grey... oh my how long ago... this all white new-ness seems light years away from the original look. Anyway, I was scrolling through Insta when I suddenly see one of my class mates that I, at the time, thought was the hottest creature to walk the earth. (She probably did too though... eek...popular girls in middle school were more stuck up than my fly aways on a 96 degree morning with 100% humidity...) but you get it, she was hot stuff. So I immediately stopped scrolling of course to stare in amazement at the post. After about 2 minutes of staring at this girl thinking about how hot she was, I paused and had an oh shit moment... did other girls do this... was this normal... oh shit. I began to investigate. I summed up enough data from talking to my girl friends that were positively straight that they surely did not do what I did when it came to looking at girls. I got answers like "Well I compare myself to pretty girls." or "I will look at all the other girls and think about how I would look horrible in _____ and they look great in it." But nothing like "I stare at this one girl and look at how pretty/hot/gorgeous/attractive she is." ...which is what I was looking for. I then went to my boy friends, which I actually had a lot of (turns out we had something in common lol) and I asked them the same question. Much to my dismay, I got the answer I had been looking for... but from the wrong gender. AIY. YAIY. YAIY. It basically became my life mission to completely deny and cover the fact that I, Anna, was bisexual. That is, until high school of course, where the party started. Next paragraph!
The first person I came out to... was a RANDOM person... and I found that it was much easier to come out casually to random people than it was to come out to say, my boyfriend, or best friend, or ultimately, my parents. So anyway, it was a normal day, just like any other, I walked around hiding my sexuality like I had every other day of my life, and I wasn't planning on letting anyone know anything special about it anytime soon! Until ― DUN DUNN DUNNNN ― yep ikr I'm dramatic, until I was Skype chatting my friend Abby in theology class one day (out of all classes, Theology right hahaha) but something sparked a Skype conversation about a sexuality related topic. Abby, having gone to the same middle school as me, and just being a very open person, was already quite familiar with me. Somewhere in that conversation with her I mentioned that I was bisexual. It was like super duper easy but also very OH MY GOHDSIDHFBWRHBFW WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO I JUST REVEALED A PART OF MYSELF THAT I NEVER HAVE BEFORE TO SOMEONE THAT I HAVE NO FUNCKING IDEA IF I CAN TRUST WHAT DID I DOOOOOOO NNOOOO AAHHHHH, but also very liberating, but not too liberating that I would regret it... baby steps people... Well, me and Abby are good friends now, and I do believe that our friendship is going to grow more and more with time.
Now, instead of listing all of the random people that I came out to inbetween these significant people that I am about to tell you about, I am just gonna talk about the most important people.
The first "big" person (as in person that I had an established and significant relationship with) was my boy best friend at the time, who was pretty openly gay. (He would've told you that at that time he wasn't openly gay, that it was a bit later in time... but trust me, everyone knew... everyone) Anyway, the way it happened was: So I walked down to his house after i texted him that I needed to drop something off at his house. (we lived a few houses down from each other on the same street) I rode my bike to his house just in case I needed a quick get away like if I was emotionally scarred or something. Anyway, when I got there he was in the drive way playing with his black lab that was only a few months old at the time. I don't even think I got off my bike to come out to him. I just rode up close to him, and told him. He, being gay, obviously took it very well with no judgement, and was happy that I was happy. I rode away feeling quite liberated again.
The next coming out story I shall tell you about is coming out to my boyfriend, Jay. We were on a movie date... hmm what movie did we see that night oh yes, Finding Dory. It was June 29th, 2016. What a day it was. After the movie instead of going straight home, Jay and I went and sat on a bench in the park outside of the movie theater. I was HELLA nervous, I loved this boy to death and I did not want this to cause me to lose him, but I thought to myself, if this did cause me to lose him, he wasn't the one. Well guys, he's the one. He listened to everything I had to say and his response brought me to tears of joy. That's all I can remember, that it was amazing and wonderful and it couldn't have gone any better way.
Now coming out to my faithful friend, Anne Marie. It was like 11:03 p.m. and we were laying side by side ready to go to sleep. We had just finished watching the movie GBF. I start up a conversation about gayness in general just to get a sense of what her views on it are, because as good of friends as we are, we hadn't really discussed this topic a lot at that time. So the conversation was going well and I had started dropping hints that I was bi. I could tell Anne Marie was starting to pick up the hints, so finally I just said it. Flat out. I felt good about it. She was happy that I was okay telling her that and I think she gave me a hug.
So, if you didn't get the drift. I'm bisexual.