It has been quite a time since my last entry. My life has changed. I have a new job, I live in a new house, in a new city in a new country (more strictly a new principality) and I am now engaged. It doesn't feel like much has changed in the these past 6 months, but the above list suggests otherwise. Everything is new and strange and not giving that fact any attention has made the tranisition more complicated and challenging.
All students of chemistry will know that the transition state of a molecule during the process exists instantaneously and stabilising it facilitates the change enabling successful reaction. This somewhat esoteric metaphor seems somewhat ungainly and unbefitting but we plough on.
Not allowing myself too appreciate the magnitude of the change afoot in my life (or even recognition of any change at all) has rather stunted the adaptation process. After all, why fix what 'isn't broken', no? Brushing off others' comments on how well I was coping with classic british downplaying pishposh and redirection further cloaked the difficulty adjusting I was experiencing but suppressing. I mean really, who's not totally capable moving to a new city knowing only one person, miles from all your other friends and family into a new house with a person you've never lived with before whilst starting a new job in a relatively unfamiliar field? Pah. Pishposh and pah no problem.
"I'm fine... no really"
One of the most over overused and blatantly untrue statements people mutter sheepishly whilst offering an unconvincingly tepid attempt at a smile. I am guilty as charged but confusingly when I say it, I think I mean it at the time. The last few months have been an amazing whirlwind of new experiences and challenges, but they certainly have been very tough and admitting that took far too long.
The person who knows me better than anyone and who has patiently helped me for longer than I can remember deal with my idiotic suppressions (pictured) is now my fiancé. Saying it makes it sound scary but it was the best decision I have ever made. No, it did not go to plan but plans are made to be torn up at the last minute as far as I am concerned. We travelled to Belgium for a long birthday weekend, ate cheese, drank lambics, relaxed and enjoyed each others company. Little is better than that.
I don't know what I would do without her support, guidance, kindness, compassion, love, care and understanding. She is most patient woman in the world and I have everything to thank her for. After 4 years living hundreds of miles apart, things have come together and I am the luckiest man on earth.
Thank you for everything. You make the bad times better and the good times great. I love you and will tell you that every day, B.