by Danny Smith December. 12, 2017 673 views
Winters morning, a couple of hours after sunrise

Winters morning, a couple of hours after sunrise

A mistake isn't a mistake as long as you learn from it

I've been quite reflective recently. Occasionally I'll get into a reflective mood and think back on my life so far, how things have changed, how things have remained the same.

I started thinking about past relationships and I realised something. I make exactly the same mistake every single time. I'll set the scene.

I meet a girl. I like the girl. The girl starts to like me, we get to the point where we could be in a relationship and in some cases actually make it official and then like a switch, I lose interest.

I push them away and move on. A couple of years later I realise what I could have had with them and suddenly, I go through.. for want of a better word, heartbreak. I guess you could call it baby heartbreak.

I think subconsciously my brain flips that switch because it suddenly becomes real, and if something is real then it has the potential to hurt you, so the switch flips. I never went through the grieving process of no longer having that person in my life and them bam, I go through it much later, almost like my brain just delays the pain until the point that it forces me to deal with it.

I think I've broken that pattern in the last 2 years, there was one girl I wanted a relationship with but that didn't work out, and then one girl I actually had a relationship with, that.. also didn't work out.

I hope the pattern is broken, I hope the future is less.. heartbreaky.

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