A mistake isn't a mistake as long as you learn from it
I've been quite reflective recently. Occasionally I'll get into a reflective mood and think back on my life so far, how things have changed, how things have remained the same.
I started thinking about past relationships and I realised something. I make exactly the same mistake every single time. I'll set the scene.
I meet a girl. I like the girl. The girl starts to like me, we get to the point where we could be in a relationship and in some cases actually make it official and then like a switch, I lose interest.
I push them away and move on. A couple of years later I realise what I could have had with them and suddenly, I go through.. for want of a better word, heartbreak. I guess you could call it baby heartbreak.
I think subconsciously my brain flips that switch because it suddenly becomes real, and if something is real then it has the potential to hurt you, so the switch flips. I never went through the grieving process of no longer having that person in my life and them bam, I go through it much later, almost like my brain just delays the pain until the point that it forces me to deal with it.
I think I've broken that pattern in the last 2 years, there was one girl I wanted a relationship with but that didn't work out, and then one girl I actually had a relationship with, that.. also didn't work out.
I hope the pattern is broken, I hope the future is less.. heartbreaky.