This road I have been on lately has been bumpy and full of road hazards. It has been hard not to be jealous of everyone else as they post or brag about how well they are doing or how they scored a big job. I just want to take photos and do something creative with the last part of my life. I turned 48 a few days ago. It wouldn't have hit me so hard but there was also this anniversary party that took place a few weeks ago. Family was brought together that had not been in the same room for a few years. It was an emotional day for me. I kept it together until my oldest sister brought my parents to the party. Yes, I hadn't seen my parents since 2006. So, when she took me outside to give me their ashes it took all that I had not to lose my shit. I hadn't talked to my sister in about 4 years and because I invited her to the party I lost another sister. This will be another long, painful story I wish to not get into. Anyhow, there are five of us girls, sisters. We range from 48 to 62 years in age. I would give anything in the world for us all to be together one time. I almost had it, story to be continued.
I have been working through health issues in this past year and have not been working much but have been practicing my photo skills hoping to get hired or noticed. I had been taking photos of the bands, if they said it was okay, at a local hospitality establishment. Well, I knew the rules, I have worked in hotel operations and knew I needed clearance. I just wanted to see how far I could go. Two months was a good run. However, I did have the proper insurance if they would have asked. I have always respected the bands and asked for permission. I never posted anything that was embarrassing or made them look bad. I made sure to keep it proper. I always purchased a beverage and tipped their employees and we gambled in their establishment. However, Mr. Bartender who made it clear that Mr. Security Dude told me I couldn't take photos. However, I was there the previous few weeks and other music fans, such as myself, had been there taking photos with their non-pro cameras. My camera is a non-pro camera and I am not selling the photos. Anyhow, I guess I am my own worst enema (yes, I meant that) and I guess I will not be going to watch the bands there anymore. Big sad face. I really loved and enjoyed going to listen to the bands so I may need to dye my hair and put on a disguise and leave my Nikon at home. Sorry about that, I got sidetracked, you see, I would like to be a photographer. I live in the Coachella Valley and jobs are scarce and competitive here. There are far too many portrait and boudoir photographers littered throughout this land. It is hard to stand out or get paid. I have given away so much free work, which I don't mind. I love making people look and feel good. Heck, I have liked and supported my friends work only to have them ignore me. Yes, ignored, how hard is it to return a simple email? What have I done that is so bad? It hurts. I wish I would have had the guts to have started earlier when I was younger. I chose to feed my kids and keep a façade of normalcy shrouded over my life. I was really this, when I wanted to be that. (Stolen from Harold & Maude.) I love photographing musicians. It's harder work, really and so different than accounting and boring office work that I have been doing for so long. Event photography is like game hunting. You have a moving target and all these different conditions and lights. Just thinking about it gets my heart pumping. Then there is the framing of it in my mind. It's hard to explain, but I guess other photographers probably know the feeling or get the vision before your finger hits the button and you shoot. Sometimes I see the shot in my head before it even happens. Maybe it's because I have watched too much MTV or listened to too much music. Maybe I just thumbed through too many Hit Paraders or Circus Magazines in my youth, I don’t know? I can't explain it. It just happens. I just need to get my focusing skills up to par or maybe let go and go fully automatic instead of constantly adjusting. Also, maybe I should finally shoot in RAW...dun dun dun (suspense music). I am still on the fence about that as I am still toying with the idea of going back and shooting film, yes, real film. As mentioned earlier, I turned 48 and my parents were brought to my anniversary party. Well, they now are in a box next to my desk and a reminder that my mother lived till 2006. She died at the age of 68. If I live as long as my mother, I will only have 20 years. This is why I am trying hard to get noticed and hopefully get hired to take concert photos at least just once.
Well, I guess this was more of a rant than a blog entry, I guess I will need to post some photos to make sure I meet to website guidelines as I couldn't take being ousted from another place :/
Have a fabulous and sparkly day invisible eyes that is reading this. I promise to return to regularly scheduled programming at some point in the future. Peace and a warm fuzzy blankey…