Need suggestions


(Frozen Memory) #1

How to stand for yourself against family for your dream and career???plz help


(Andi Saw) #2

Dearest,

first of all, I don’t know your age. Are you over 18 or 21 or the legal age in your country? If the answer is no, read what I have to say and THINK about it until you reach the legal age.
If you are 18 or 21 or whatever the legal age is in your country, You can not only THINK about it, but take some actions.

Until you need for other’s support, suggestions, advice, and reassurances, you will never know what to do. You will know what OTHERS would do in your place.

It’s a fear you need to overcome by your own,
Is it your goal to take 100% responsibility of your own life?
So, take 100% of responsibility of your own life, taking this decision on your own.

You’re basically saying: “My family wants to decide what’s the best for me. I don’t want that. I want to take decisions on my own… would you please tell me what’s the best for me???”
Can you see the contraddiction?

The only one who can ASSUME (It’s not a perfect science) what’s the best for you is you.
So, first of all, decide what’s the best for yourself… 100% (Not some random idea that will fade in a month)

Maybe you’ll find out your family is supporting you. Maybe they will help you… or maybe not.
You will know the moment you make the decision and live accondingly.

Otherwise, live according to your family or someone else you asked advice.

At the end, you should be right…
Or your family should be right…
Or someone else should be right…

We don’t know the future… but meanwhile, the only very thing you can do, is deciding who’s behind the wheel of your life.

And remember that:
Almost everyone had to take this sort of decision, sooner or later. You’re not alone. Keep calm and don’t freak out! :slight_smile:


(Frozen Memory) #3

thank you so much for ur suggestion…and my age is 25. Its just that everyone are forcing me to live according to the way they want n i dnt like people forcing me. They are more interested in talking about my life n taking decision if i stand for myself or i answer them back everyone say that am rude . The more i keep calm, the more they are forcing.


(Andi Saw) #4

Probably you are rude.

Because you’re angry, and because you think nobody understands you, so you keep repeating over and over and over again the same things, the same concepts, the same words… and every time, they come out of your mouth in a worse way. And every time, your words are like seeds on rocks. Wasted.
You think you’re right; they think they are right, and nothing moves.

Before I say something else, Can you tell me what they want you to do and what you want to do?
If you take the decision you want, will you be safe, or will you risk your life? Would you be stoned to death for nor marrying the man your family chose or we are talking about a future job? (Something not life threatning)


(Frozen Memory) #5

ok they want me to get married now…am not ready till i set career because i want to stand on my own legs. I am not able to go against them and not able go with the flow . This marriage topic is creating lots of stress and am not able to concentrate on my exams .
There was a stage in my life were i was very broken and depressed that was the time when i started to divert my mind , photoblog was the best way i could find because photography is one of the things i enjoy the most doing .


(Andi Saw) #6

Hi there, and sorry for my late reply.
I really needed to think about what I wanted to say.

  1. Nobody can force you to do anything. If your life is in danger because of your decision, ask for help. Call the police. Run away. Seriously.

  2. If your life is not in danger, it’s your life. Work on it. You are behind the wheel of your life, not your parents. Blaming them and fight with them is an excuse you’re making up to procrastinate the moment you will must take the full responsibility of your own life. Stop. The moment is now. Put them aside, and work on your future.

  3. If people are not listening to you, stop talking to them. I’m not suggesting to hate them or … whatever.
    They want to talk about marriage, change subject. Talk about something else. You cannot change their mind. Can they change yours? If the answer is NO, stop talking marriage with them.
    You’re devaluing what you have to say (Different future) by offering it to an audience that does nothing but reject it.

  4. Stop doing what does not work. It’s hard, it’s unpleasent. You might complain a lot, but if you need to change, change. That’s it.
    Keep doing what is not working and hoping for a different outcome is simply crazy. If you want a different outcome, do something different. (Being independent, maybe? Do you need independence? Find the first job you can find, go on studying, but go out of that house)

This is a link to a Ted video.
I particulary love the sentence:
Your problem isn’t the ideas.
Your problem is you don’t act on them.

So, take your time, clarify your own thoughts, DECIDE what you want to do, and take action.

It sounds to me you have not a clear idea about your future and goals. Your parents, on the contrary, have the clear idea you must get married. This drives you crazy. You have this atrocious doubt “What if they know better? Should I follow their advice?”.
If you knew, REALLY KNEW what to do with your life, you would have never asked for advice. But NOT knowing what you want to do is OK! It’s ok at 25, it’s ok at 80. Some people know. Some other don’t, or want to experiment 1.000 different things. It’s OK!

Do yourself a HUGE favour. Stop thinking you will be depressed again. It’s a fear everyone who had a depression has to deal with (Me included). Like if you were depressed in the past, you will never recover and you can fall off the wagon at any time. IT’S FALSE. If you are willing not to go there anymore, because it was the scariest and worst place to be ever, it will not happen again. And if your parents are worried about you fall off the wagon, and they simply want you to have someone by your side to help you, just in case, ask them to STOP reminding you you will get depressed again. You will be sad and even super sad, sometimes, but not depressed. You don’t need them to remind you of the past and you don’t need to remind yourself about it neither… You don’t need drama. You need positive thoughts. Ask them to focus on the positive and trust you, you’ll never get back. Trust yourself you will never get back.

The advice you need is not about “How to deal with a family that does not support you”, is “What should I do with my life?”. Nobody can help. It’s your decision. It will always be.

A great secret nobody tells you is: what you decide now is not what you must do until you die. You can change your path anytime!

There’s only one thing really irreplaceble in life: YOU. Think about it. Everything you can see around yourself now, might not be here in 10 years… except for you (Hopefully). Your pc, me, Photoblog, the Internet, family and friends… It’s all temporary.
You borrowed this life, and everything in it.

So, who are you? And what do you want to do? are the only things that really matter.
You are 1:400,000,000,000 (Watch the video)


I quitted Photoblog. Don’t need to reply to this. I will never read it.
Don’t blindly trust my words. Live and see what is good for you. If something resonates, fine. Find your own way.

Good luck sweetheart. Stay Gold!

Cri