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Local News (WARNING: What Passes For Humour In This Post May Not Be Suitable For The Easily Shocked)

  • Posted Dec. 2, 2011 by Jon Laysell Viewed 4561 times

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I really like newspaper hoardings. At their best they can convey a whole news story in just a few simple words. But I don't like them at their best. I like them when they are slightly ambiguous so that my mischievous mind can make up alternative meanings for them.

Exorcism has never been so popular since that hit and run.

All this posthumous adoration for the late Apple chief has gone a bit far.

Boss held what? A party to celebrate getting all that money?

What's the problem? Their whole purpose is to sell trash.

Couldn't he get hold of a prayer mat then?

No more Millwall; what a shame ;-)

Has anybody seen my prescription?

Hooray, I'd like a room for a fortnight. En-suit with a view of the beach please.

I think they'd probably have more success if they used attack dogs.

I'd Rather Have Fish & Chips.

Who'd have thought that it would have enough power to charge 4 of them?

I've always found them really expensive as well.

Judge Evict v Dale Farm, what a wrestling match that will be.

And you're not allowed to take any of those flowers in either.

Of course the only way to settle it is a tear-up in the car park.

Did you get a school place?

Fight to get a place, but if you strike out the school will be shut.

I'm afraid that's an occupational hazard for a killer's chauffeur.

Of course it arrests. Murder will stop you from doing almost anything.

Oh the many happy hours I've spent in Club Assault.

But that is just so gay!

She had her fingers in the till. Not like the pet shop worker who had her fingers in the Trill!

I don't think they should get such big rewards for sacking people.

Giant Thames! Is that the secret river that the government won't tell us about?

Well, is it dead or not?

They are tax bills that are sent out by the local council. Simple really.

What a heartless bastard!

Was it too left wing for them?

Apparently the shop selling picketing equipment has made a fortune flogging placards, armbands and braziers.

They'll be calling for a long time, don' they realise that tower blocks are inanimate objects.

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    There are 15 comments, add yours!

    • # Eiram

      wow! you live such a dramatic life in Britain!
      On the other hand - I stopped reading Czech newspapers a while ago, maybe I would be surprised:)

      2011.12.10 Edited Reply Cancel

    • # Jacki

      This was fun! I've never seen things like ... maybe I need to look harder. Well done!

      2011.12.09 Edited Reply Cancel

    • # Marilyn Grimble

      Golly Gosh ... is the Echo still going?
      I have a "cut-out" of me being reported in that paper ( somewhere).
      I still visit sister in Shoeburyness...she's BUSYBEE within these walls!

      2011.12.08 Edited Reply Cancel

    • # Agnes Felber

      Headlinese for Dummies! That is such a difficult aspect of teaching English as a Foreign Language!

      2011.12.02 Edited Reply Cancel

    • # Helen

      Lol, you've been collecting these for quite some time! :-) I love the way you've twisted someof them around.

      2011.12.02 Edited Reply Cancel

    • # Marsha

      Hahaha....you must have a blast coming up with these!!! Hilarious, Jon!

      2011.12.02 Edited Reply Cancel