Local News (WARNING: What Passes For Humour In This Post May Not Be Suitable For The Easily Shocked)

by Jon Laysell December. 02, 2011 4631 views

I really like newspaper hoardings. At their best they can convey a whole news story in just a few simple words. But I don't like them at their best. I like them when they are slightly ambiguous so that my mischievous mind can make up alternative meanings for them.

Exorcism has never been so popular since that hit and run.

All this posthumous adoration for the late Apple chief has gone a bit far.

Boss held what? A party to celebrate getting all that money?

What's the problem? Their whole purpose is to sell trash.

Couldn't he get hold of a prayer mat then?

No more Millwall; what a shame ;-)

Has anybody seen my prescription?

Hooray, I'd like a room for a fortnight. En-suit with a view of the beach please.

I think they'd probably have more success if they used attack dogs.

I'd Rather Have Fish & Chips.

Who'd have thought that it would have enough power to charge 4 of them?

I've always found them really expensive as well.

Judge Evict v Dale Farm, what a wrestling match that will be.

And you're not allowed to take any of those flowers in either.

Of course the only way to settle it is a tear-up in the car park.

Did you get a school place?

Fight to get a place, but if you strike out the school will be shut.

I'm afraid that's an occupational hazard for a killer's chauffeur.

Of course it arrests. Murder will stop you from doing almost anything.

Oh the many happy hours I've spent in Club Assault.

But that is just so gay!

She had her fingers in the till. Not like the pet shop worker who had her fingers in the Trill!

I don't think they should get such big rewards for sacking people.

Giant Thames! Is that the secret river that the government won't tell us about?

Well, is it dead or not?

They are tax bills that are sent out by the local council. Simple really.

What a heartless bastard!

Was it too left wing for them?

Apparently the shop selling picketing equipment has made a fortune flogging placards, armbands and braziers.

They'll be calling for a long time, don' they realise that tower blocks are inanimate objects.

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There are 15 comments, add yours!
Eiram 5 years, 5 months ago

wow! you live such a dramatic life in Britain!
On the other hand - I stopped reading Czech newspapers a while ago, maybe I would be surprised:)

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Jacki 5 years, 5 months ago

This was fun! I've never seen things like ... maybe I need to look harder. Well done!

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Olga Helys 5 years, 5 months ago

Great, ineresting and funny job !
Thanks so much for sharing

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Sandra Vermeulen 5 years, 5 months ago

Your mind and camera did a hilarious job!

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Marilyn Grimble 5 years, 5 months ago

Golly Gosh ... is the Echo still going?
I have a "cut-out" of me being reported in that paper ( somewhere).
I still visit sister in Shoeburyness...she's BUSYBEE within these walls!

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Agnes Felber 5 years, 5 months ago

Headlinese for Dummies! That is such a difficult aspect of teaching English as a Foreign Language!

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Helen Hooker 5 years, 5 months ago

Lol, you've been collecting these for quite some time! :-) I love the way you've twisted someof them around.

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Nadoune 5 years, 5 months ago

Really the news of week !!!

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Paul 5 years, 5 months ago

So thats why you have been hanging round my shop!!!!!

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Marsha 5 years, 5 months ago

Hahaha....you must have a blast coming up with these!!! Hilarious, Jon!

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Miclaud 5 years, 5 months ago

This is an original way to make our minds work....

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Jet28 5 years, 5 months ago

I bet they work for hours on the right wording :-)

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Ann Garratty 5 years, 5 months ago

At last! Something in the news I can laugh at... Thanks Jon!

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Michael Sakowicz 5 years, 5 months ago

Bad typography... bad... Sheesh...

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
Felecia 5 years, 5 months ago

LMAO! Wow. I like your interpretations.

5 years, 5 months ago Edited
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