Forgiveness Does Not Equal Instant Relief

by Shaqira Smith August. 31, 2019 445 views
"A Sunset Within" by ShaQira Smith (me). This piece was featured in Prairie State College's Christopher Gallery in 2018.

"A Sunset Within" by ShaQira Smith (me). This piece was featured in Prairie State College's Christopher Gallery in 2018.

As the years go by, each day, I am understanding the concept of forgiveness. I cannot count how many times I have been in situations where I've had to forgive someone, or even myself, in order to let go past hurt. Truth be told, it is never as easy as I thought it would be. See most people believe the power of forgiveness is what will set you free. Majority of times this is not the case, or at least it doesn't happen instantly. It can cause hurt and confusion; almost similar to having closure with someone as even if you acknowledge what has happened, that does not mean the pain won't go away.

Recently I found myself in a predicament involving my love life. I thought I found my special someone at last, but that was soon shattered when he almost stood me up (if it had not been for my questioning). We did not speak for weeks after that. Long after, I decided to swallow my pride once again and create peace between the tow of us; so we'd be able to at least work professionally alongside one another. He obliged. Despite my only intention to create peace between us, for some strange reason I still felt completely horrible inside. The first day of our "agreement" was okay. I minded my business as he did the same. But as each day went on I began to grow furious towards him; I began to hate the sight of him. I came to terms with the fact that all my rage came from me missing the way we interacted. Through forgiveness, I expected to have all of it back. Instead, we are back to the way we were before, except this time, everything feels so forced.

Today, it is now a week since we made a pact of peace. All I think is what I could have done differently to make us work out again. But on another note, in a friendship, both parties must be willing to fix what needs to be needs fixed in order to keep the friendship alive. If only one person is trying, there is no positive end in sight. With this, I've grown to learn that in most life lessons forgiving others is not enough. Every person you meet is not meant to stay, no matter how much you want them in your life. You just have to be strong enough to let go so you can move forward for the sake of your health and happiness.

~

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