I love writing this blog. Absolutely love it. Even if absolutely no one read it and no one looked at the accompanying pics I'm still pretty sure it'd be part of my week. So its a bonus that I get a few views. I'm not sure which half of the process I enjoy the most. In the perfect world I enjoy the photos more when I'm doing the photos and turn into a passionate write pr when I'm writing. The preference seems to be fluid between the two which is pretty ideal.
A cruise boat pulled into Apia Harbour the other day. The weather hadn't quite made its mind up but was leaning towards thunderstorms. I wasn't sure when the boat was leaving so I headed down to the harbour shore to get a photo on dusk. Without wet weather gear (i.e. an umbrella) a few times I had to duck back to the car when the skies opened up briefly. As I waited for the rain to stop I sat in the front seat deleting the photos I'd tried earlier and thinking about the story behind the photos and how I would write an accompanying piece to go with the one or two photos I pulled off. For some reason I really wanted to open up. In the last two years I've got more comfortable leaving myself vulnerable, pouring it out from the heart. I've found it cathartic. For some reason this night I wanted to bare my soul. Please don't misinterpret opening up as a bad sign. We need to open up about the good things, the things we are grateful for that exist in our soul and let them fly as much as the tough days.
As I set back up on the Apia Harbour rocks I tried to formulate exactly what I wanted to share. The waves I didn't really want slipped across the field in front of the camera and the lights of the boat began to take effect but not quite dominate the water in the way I hoped. When I thought about what I wanted to say, but absolutely nothing came into my mind I wanted to share. I had no secrets to air, no deep feelings I needed to get out. No heartfelt events I could think needed to be for public consumption. Just that my soul was quite happy the way it was. There was just a ship, a harbour, a camera and a me. My personal collection of "things" were going quite well.
Maybe sometime down the track the feels will spill out and I'll add a heart to my sleeve. I spent many a time keeping it locked up and I know that's not the way to lead a life. You can't engineer opening up I've learnt. It has to happen organically or it's not really from the heart, it's from the head. When you're at peace, don't analyse your way of it. Ride the wave. Be vulnerable when you need to be, and enjoy the moment when you need to as well.
The ship came up pretty cool too.