Friday fun: reverse invention

by Stefan Fletcher March. 20, 2009 5548 views

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It's (almost) Friday, and I I'd like to try to make you laugh a little without inflicting crap jokes like the last time.

A friend of mine gave me this idea (I think she nicked it off a mate on Twitter): Reverse Invention. You see, friends, we live in a world of staggering inventiveness. To give you just a few examples:
• Satellites designed to measure CO2 emissions that blow up in a cloud of…er, CO2 on launching (*)
• Battery-powered sports cars with expensive sound systems – not for music, but to sound like a… car
• “Clean” coal
• Biofuels designed to behave just like diesel – right down to the amount of pollution diesel creates
• Energy-saving light bulbs that take a bleeding hour to go from pitch black to “twilight of the gods” luminosity, forcing me to fire up my gas lighter if I want to avoid walls
• Software like Photoshop in which you spend a year mastering a basic process, by which time the next release makes the whole endeavour pointless.

(*) It could be argued that the satellite served its purpose, if only for a very short time

We are surrounded by such creativity. It’s bewildering. So let’s take all the complexity out of new inventions and make things simple. This is not reverse engineering, which is well known and just means working out what some other clever bugger did.

No, this is a whole new approach to making life easier and any resemblance to objects you may have seen in the past is purely coincidental. I have offered some tentative examples and own the copyright on all of them, so don’t try to reverse anything, but feel free to contribute your own. Reverse inventors of the world, unite!

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a cell phone that’s hard to lose, whose details can’t get stolen, which doesn’t drive everybody crazy with all its ring tones and prevents other people from sending mindless messages or screaming apparently at themselves in any and all forms of public transport? I call it the “immobile phone”. The semi-detachable bit at the top could also serve as means of preventing people ringing you at inconvenient times. All you have to do is take it off its cradle.

How many times have you lost your remote control (channel changer in non-UK English)? How many hours have you spent rummaging in the dark and dubious crevices of your sofa looking for it? What about all those heavy-metal batteries you recklessly buy for the voracious little beast? Worry no more. I have the solution. I call it “television set with knobs and buttons”. Think of all those calories you’ll burn getting up and sitting down again. And you’ll really enjoy what you finally decide to watch, if only coz you won’t be fagged to get up and change it again.

There are times when the 21st century, wired individual has it tough. The iPhone is on the fritz; the Wi-Fi’s knackered and the limewire hip-hop has the acid runs. What can one do before the next bout of World of Warcraft, In-your-face-book and cyber-porn? (Kids: try not to do these simultaneously. The result is painful and extremely embarrassing.) I have discovered a multimedia, battery-free form of entertainment guaranteed to bring hours of fun. No more PlayStation tendinitis. No more teenage zombies at the breakfast table and you can share it. Hypertext searching is enabled by the contents and index sections. And, what’s more, the instruction manual is actually the product! I call it the “book”.

Disclaimer: I “borrowed” images 2 and 3. The fourth is one I took especially for you. And in case Yellodog is reading this, the fourth was taken with a tilt-shift lens. So there.

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Jarvo J 11 years, 11 months ago

Most amusing. I must get one of those phones!

11 years, 11 months ago Edited
Eric J H Joyce 11 years, 11 months ago

Well done, you must put alot of thought in your posts.

11 years, 11 months ago Edited
Quinn 11 years, 11 months ago

haha ... i loved this post. entertaining. :] .... yes my sister is in labor. first baby. we are very close and so im so exciting. driving down to see her in about an hour. just waiting to bring my dad down

11 years, 11 months ago Edited
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