Those of you NOT aliens masquerading in human form will be horrified to learn of a massive conspiracy which has been mulling our species into stupor for millennia.
A chemical substance –C2H5OH – has been added to liquids consumed by humans as far back as late Neolithic times, approximately 10,000 years ago. The substance was one of the first to be refined as a relatively pure compound in the ninth century C.E. Which just goes to show how old and pervasive the conspiracy is.
This noxious substance enters the bloodstream through the gut and then wreaks havoc in the brain. Even very restrained consumption, measured in milligrams per 100 millilitres of blood, causes catastrophic results:
• People start to appear far more attractive than they actually are – including the consumer
• The consumer finds in himself a previously hidden talent for dancing, singing, stripping and insulting policemen which, for very good reason, was deeply hidden before being exposed to the substance
• The substance impairs judgement, reasoning, speech, whilst boosting the libido and should therefore be made free, as opposed to being taxed to hell and back.
Such is the popularity of this substance that people congregate in special places to feel the effects together. In some circumstances, it is even considered a suitable gift.
I have decided to conduct a very thorough investigation into the effects of this stuff and shall be reporting in more detail as soon as I’ve recovered from a massive headache that mysteriously followed last night’s initial foray into the world of ethanol.
The above image, taken with a TS-E 45 @ f/2.8 and 6400 ISO in a very dim bar, is part of a biometric study of the ability to focus manually whilst under the effect of ethanol - and teach a keen but cack-handed bar tender how to make a gin gimlet. This was his third attempt. It was a tough, tough experiment, I can tell you.
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à la tienne!!!