driving

by Sherry Hill July. 09, 2018 259 views
[in the drivers seat]

[in the drivers seat]

i am 51 years old and i just had my first driving lesson.. whew, there i said it.. i am tired of being embarrassed by my short comings.. every time i have to answer someone who asks why i don't drive, it becomes more and more of an excuse.. if i KNOW the reason why i don't drive, then why don't i make actions to remedy it?

back story.. i grew up on a little indian reserve, my father was so old fashioned that he didn't think women should drive.. my mother didn't drive and he didn't teach any of his 3 daughters to drive.. he died when i was 23 and i started messing around with his now collecting dust in the driveway Oldsmobile.. i started with just driving it up and down our long driveway.. then gaining some bravery, i would cross the road, turn around and back up the driveway.. i got to going little bits further and further.. till i was comfortable driving in our little village.. in this time, there were no street lights and the roads were gravel.. no one on the reserve worried about insurance, registration, inspections.. everyone drove what was called a Rez Runner.. old, durable cars that could take a beating.. we didn't have laws or enforcement and felt we didn't need rules..

[fear]

[fear]

once i moved off the reserve, i realized there were rules and laws and the towns were busy and the traffic was crazy and there were buses and taxis and everything was within walking distance.. i didn't even need to drive now and it just slipped away without much thought..

next chapter, i move to the USA, i'm with my then boyfriend and he runs a stop sign.. i'm the passenger and this is my first accident, ever! it traumatized me and i grew afraid of even being in a car.. i started making excuses to NOT take long trips and i didn't trust the dude anymore.. i allowed this to grow, till i had and have, PTSD and a full blown phobia..

[outside my comfort zone]

[outside my comfort zone]

next chapter: TODAY: a life time has passed and here i am.. it is time to conquer my fears.. [and this is the only fear or phobia i have] so, it's time to go outside my comfort zone and meet my fear head on.. i am tired of being a spectator in my own life.. i feel like i am on the sidelines watching my life pass me by.. i am so busy avoiding something that makes me uncomfortable that i'm not really happy or fulfilled..

in all other areas of my life, i am brave and gutsy and carefree.. i've always lived by the seat of my pants and this is the only thing that holds me back, the only thing that causes panic attacks and stress induced insomnia.. i've allowed something to become huge and scary and paralyzing.. the fear has become debilitating.. i hate knowing that i am a victim of my own thoughts and emotions..

step ONE: admitting my short comings.. saying it out loud and putting it out there.. maybe embarrassment can push me..

step TWO: reach out and seek help.. i took my first driving lesson with a lady that specializes in phobias.. she took me to some back streets and put me behind the wheel.. she made me drive for 1 and 1/2 hours.. with traffic, stop signs and pedestrians.. ACK!

step THREE: practice till my next session, which is 3 weeks away.. my fella pulled over, out in the country and surprised me with "get in the drivers seat, you are driving the rest of the way to Grams".. maybe 2 miles in the country.. i did it..

i don't know if it's too late, i don't know if you can teach an old dog new tricks, but i'm sure going to try, at least i'm participating in my own life.. hey, get busy living or get busy dying.. right? [grin, wish me luck]

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There are 14 comments , add yours!
Camellia Staab 1 year, 5 months ago

Kudos to you Sherry for taking the necessary steps. I have no doubt it is not too late to teach an old dog new tricks because you have chosen to conquer this. Sadly all of us have some form of phobia of sorts, but taking the steps to conquer them, as you have, shows what a strong woman you are and quite inspiring. Again I say KUDOS to you!! smile

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Camellia Staab 1 year, 5 months ago

thank you so much, i finally have the WANT to do it, to beat my fears.. baby steps, but i'm trying.. hugs

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Heidi Egerman 1 year, 5 months ago

We are all victims of our own thoughts and emotions in some way. Congratulations on your bravery!

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Heidi Egerman 1 year, 5 months ago

so true.. and thank you!

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Antonio Gil 1 year, 5 months ago

Go for it Sherry. Kudos for facing your fears my friend

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Antonio Gil 1 year, 5 months ago

thanks Antonio.. every day a step further..

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Andi Saw 1 year, 5 months ago
Comment was removed by admin
1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Andi Saw 1 year, 5 months ago

Andi, thanks for the support.. and just admitting i'm 51? eeps..  and i live in New York, it's cold up here in the mornings in the mountains.. in the 50's, by afternoon it will be 86 and i'll be in a tank top..

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Sigrid Strohschneider-Laue 1 year, 5 months ago

Calm down, my husband (64) never had a driving license. I'm sure, he would be an awful driver. My mother started her driving lessons in 1968, when she was 36. Back in the 60s it wasn't so common! She didn't want to, but my father insisted. Even if you won't drive a lot, it's often necessary and it's good to be independet. Stay calm and do it: At the end woman are the far better drivers!
#3 - yes, that is a story telling picture!

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Sigrid Strohschneider-Laue 1 year, 5 months ago

times sure have changed, my dad thought driving was a mans world, i appreciate the support too, it's good to know i'm not alone.. thanks..

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Guillermo Huerga Borrego 1 year, 5 months ago

Courage, surely you get it, it's never too late to overcome our fears and achieve what we want.

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Guillermo Huerga Borrego 1 year, 5 months ago

thank you Guillermo,  i sure am trying..

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Jay Boggess 1 year, 5 months ago

Inspirational story and kool images! You can do it!!!
Rock On!

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Jay Boggess 1 year, 5 months ago

thanks Jay.. i just came in from driving up, down & around my driveway.. exposure therapy!

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
Jay Boggess Replied to Sherry Hill 1 year, 5 months ago

You'll get the hang of it before too long. Just challenge yourself a little more each day to build confidence!

1 year, 5 months ago Edited
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