you know that feeling [or rather i hope you don't] when you wake up in the morning and it feels like a normal morning.. and then your thoughts shift and you remember.. remember that you have this thing that weighs you down.. you lie there, defeated as your spine slackens back into the mattress and all the air escapes your lungs..
and then you turn your head to the left and the sleeping form of the fella pulls your fingers from your clenched belly as they can't stay inert and keep on keeping on too..
and you take a deep breath and know that because of him, you will rise up..
and you dislodge yourself from the wallowing and sit on the edge of the bed, looking out the open window and you know it was the wrens that woke you.. how so much voice comes out of such a diminutive body.. they rise up and they scream it in your face..
so you pull your own diminutive body from the bed.. if the wrens can rise, so can you..
you quietly click the door behind you as you head outside.. to rejuvenate.. to mend.. then something that borders on spiritual happens.. in the quiet comes a thundering.. in the fog you can't see until the shapes of deer rushing down on you makes your breath stop.. in the still of the morning, their hooves shake the earth beneath your feet..
you spend some time in nature.. you decide to take your own advice and chose to see more beauty than bother.. you feel your spirit swell with the bird song and the crunch of dried leaves beneath your feet.. you are amazed to find that spring has come without you even noticing..
then a gunshot breaks into your thoughts.. and another gunshot.. you can see thru the trees as a state trooper pulls away from your sacred spaces.. you follow the fresh deer tracks in the opposite direction up your driveway to find one of your fawns dead in your ditch..
my heart cracks in two as i kneel down.. mourn the little lost one.. and i rise up..
[update edit: i can only assume that someone hit the fawn in a car and the police were putting it out of its misery.. at least this is what i hope]