exhale

by Sherry Hill September. 13, 2019 263 views

i needed to get back here

[calm]

[calm]

it's been a hectic week, crazy days, sleeping in a rented bed..

the moments i hold my breath

her, him and i

her - that moment when the matriarch exhales, waiting for the inhale that doesn't follow..

him - when they tell me i can see him, the operation was a success..

i - sitting on the edge of a table, antiseptic white and bright lights and waiting for the right words so i can breathe again..

[just breathe]

[just breathe]

it's been a long time since i've had a week like this..

i have been sitting on a wait and see situation with my health and i finally get to put that on a shelf and revisit it every six months "to watch".. that is the best news i can hope for.. [smile]

the fellas Gram passed on.. her strong mind was keeping her betraying body alive, when she decided it was time to go, it was a matter of days.. she told us just hours before she passed that Grampa was finally coming for her.. she is now free of that painful, withering body..

and the fella.. 4 years ago he came home from work in pain.. that started a series of unfortunate events and he has been in constant and chronic pain since.. thru dozens of doctors and misdiagnosis and treatments and even multiple operations, we are at this point.. where the only way they can stop the pain is to implant electrodes into his spine, run wires thru the spinal column to touch the nerves responsible for the pain thru his whole torso where he can dial up or down the current with a remote.. yesterday they did the trial run.. fingers crossed..

today i should be working, tomorrow should be the funeral.. but i had to just say STOP.. slow down and breathe.. i took today off work, something i NEVER do.. but i know i need to be here for my fella.. he's not supposed to shower, bend, lift, walk a stair or step, etc.. yeah, he gets to be babied.. and he will not be able to travel the 80 minutes south it takes to visit the family, which means no funeral.. which is okay with me.. we said our good byes to Gram while she was alive.. social function dictates one thing, good and common sense dictates another..

so with all that said and some weight lifted from my chest, i can breathe again and sit on my porch and smell the cool autumn air [it was 40 degrees waking up] and i can find my calm again.. [smile]

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Bethany Plonski 9 months, 3 weeks ago

What a week for you both. I'm glad you're home! Sending healing vibes for your fella. His surgery sounds intense, but I hope it proves helpful. And fingers crossed for your health as well. blue heart

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Bethany Plonski 9 months, 3 weeks ago

thanks Bethany.. i need to get back on track spiritually., call up my inner zen, sit in nature and let it de-rattle my brain.. i'm working on that.. :)

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Camellia Staab 9 months, 3 weeks ago

I am glad you can breath a little again. Finger crossed for your fella. Know that we are here and willing to listen. Hugs to you Sherry. 🤗🤗🤗

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Camellia Staab 9 months, 3 weeks ago

thanks Camellia.. get all my stress done in one week.. got to watch the deer from my porch this morning, that sure helps reset my spiritual meter back to good.. :)

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Camellia Staab Replied to Sherry Hill 9 months, 3 weeks ago

🧡🧡

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Berckmans Peter 9 months, 3 weeks ago

Hey hang in there. One of these hard times of life. But it will pass. And we are here, we listen. Cross fingers for your fella .

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Berckmans Peter 9 months, 3 weeks ago

thanks Peter, i actually feel a little better now that i've slept in my own bed and sat on my porch in the sun and watched the deer come out of the woods.. i needed a dose of peace and now i can see clearer.. this rough patch will pass, you are right.. thanks!!!

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Berckmans Peter Replied to Sherry Hill 9 months, 3 weeks ago

+1

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Russell Smith 9 months, 3 weeks ago

Hang in there. The procedure he is having/had is one that I have had and for me (the nerve pain part) it is very helpful. I do not know if this will make any lick of sense or not but it removes one of three types of pain from the equation. The other two (muscle and skeletal) are somewhat managed with meds. and exercise (walking and stretching). I just had the original battery replaced last year so I have had it over 7 years the next battery will be replaced in 2-4 years (shorter overall life but no recharging). Hopefully the recovery from the surgery will be smooth.

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Russell Smith 9 months, 3 weeks ago

wow, small world.. i've never so much as had a back ache, so other than empathizing, i really can't imagine chronic pain like him [and you] have.. they finished a series of nerve blocks and it helped a lot, but the pain is so wide spread, they skipped the ablation and suggested the SCS.. seeing his is mostly nerve pain, i am hopeful this will work.. 
his pain has changed the way we live our lives.. 
ah, thanks for sharing that with me Russell.. i knew you had back pain, and had wondered how you  manage it, but didn't want to be too nosy.. :)

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Russell Smith Replied to Sherry Hill 9 months, 3 weeks ago

Anytime you have a question about it feel free to ask its no problem as I am generally quite open about it. I do not know what options will be given to him if the trial is a success. Unless there is a new model (quite possible) there are a non rechargeable version and a rechargeable version. The recharge version at first the battery will last 2-4 weeks with no charge and the charging is easy. Wear a belt and let it charge. Similar tech to a phone charger that you lay the device ontop of the disk.

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Russell Smith 9 months, 3 weeks ago

thanks Russell.. i sure hope this works, it seems this is the last resort.. and i guess we will know more as this trial week goes on..

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Russell Smith Replied to Sherry Hill 9 months, 3 weeks ago

One thing for him to keep in mind is if it is working but if there is an area that it is not working as well or not as all say it needs to go lower into his toes it can be done just talk with the rep/surgeon. Mine covers from just under my rib cage to my toes on both sides. I will pray that it gives him as much relief for the nerve pain as it gives me.

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Russell Smith 9 months, 3 weeks ago

it sure has some range.. it's crazy that it's a trick to the brain.. interrupt the pain signal with a "louder" sensation..

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Antonio Gil 9 months, 3 weeks ago

Hang in there Sherry.

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Antonio Gil 9 months, 3 weeks ago

thanks Antonio.. i believe we are on the upswing now..

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Bill Baird 9 months, 3 weeks ago

I'm glad that some way you can breathe and smile. That all has to take a toll. I can't imagine enduring the pain your fella tolerates. I hope you can both someway get some rest and enjoyment this weekend.

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
Sherry Hill Replied to Bill Baird 9 months, 3 weeks ago

thanks Bill, we are trying.. it's a relief just knowing we don't have anywhere we have to be now..

9 months, 3 weeks ago Edited
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