Apologies for my absence recently. We lost my sweet boy, Duncan just over a week ago, and the grief is much more complicated than I anticipated. I had thought I was (sort of) ready. He was old (14), wasn't in the best of health, and, when I returned home from a weekend away, wasn't doing well at all. I knew it was time, and thought I was doing the kindest thing I could for my sweet boy.
I just thought it would be such a clear-cut decision that I would walk away from feeling sad, of course, but like I had done the right thing. I didn't expect all the lingering doubt and guilt.
My head knows it was time, but I keep thinking....maybe if we'd tried harder, spent more money, waited a little longer....
We had such a bond, him and I, and it's hard to get used to life without him. I think us pet owners are a special kind of people, opening up our hearts to this despair, over and over again.
This is the last photo I took of Duncan, just a week or so before he left us. If only I'd known. I'd have taken a hundred photos of him. Not that he'd have let me ;-)